Shining Thru

Do you ever have a count down to something you are looking forward to?  Or maybe not looking forward to?  Anticipation seems to work both ways, both with dread and excitement.  What is it about waiting that gets to us?  Is it because we living in an instant culture where everything is based on how fast you can accomplish the task?  Fast Food, Fast Lanes, Freeway, Drive thrus, etc. Or is it because we are simply impatient people when it comes to things that we are looking forward to and therefore time seems to go sooo slow.  Where as, when we are dreading something every moment seems to be torture or goes by so quickly that you have to simply deal with whatever it is.

Counting down can be your own personal hell or can be the most exciting thing that has happened to you in a long time.  Expecting the best and looking forward to all of the possibilities.  Playing out the scenarios of the perfect situations or the wonderful surprises that might end up happening.  Wanting the moment to come so that you could enjoy the real thing, instead of imaging all of the different situations.

Counting down the days, can me long and tiresome, or short and exciting.  Sometimes it’s better to just let things come as they will.  Forget the anticipation and the dread.  We get ourselves so syked up about something, sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way.  Which can result in a good thing or a bad thing.  Sometimes we get ourselves so excited about something that we are let down when it actually happens, or it could result in a great attitude going into an event and having a great time.  On the other hand, you could dread something and build it up in your head so bad that nothing could possibly be that bad and you get a sense of relief when it actually happens, or you could end up making yourself sick from nervousness and having it be much worse than it needed to be.

Anyway you look at it, do you risk the anticipation of an event and flip the coin to see if it turns out good?  Or should you just let things happen and enjoy what is happening now?

Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and look at things with a new perspective.  To go ahead and look at all of the options and possibilities.  Maybe conclusions should never be drawn until all of the facts are known, and if all of the facts can’t be known then it should serve as a reminder to never jump to conclusions.  Not to worry about things before you even know what you’re worrying about.  Sometimes stress is the natural reaction but sometimes it comes too premature.  It’s good to just take a step back and look at things logically without your emotions interfering sometimes. 

Sometimes we have to accept that we will probably not ever have all of the answers, or all of the information.  There are only so many what if scenarios that we can run through our heads before we just have to jump in and go for it.  It’s good to wait sometimes but other times you just need to jump in.  The only way you can figure out what to do sometimes is to jump in and go on living, while other times you need to take a good step back and just look around for a few minutes before making that plunge. 

Taking a step back has a lot of advantages because we all know that it’s easier to form opinions or give instructions when it’s not us in the actual situation.  I think very few people can remove themselves from the situation to take a look.

Feeling lonely and forgotten

helpless at a distance

No understanding of how everything is chaos

Spinning helplessly out of control

One more thing is too much and tips the scales

The build up pours forth like a dam that has been released, or broken

Flooding over every inch of your being

Not able to stop, the tears flow and the thoughts spin

Jumping from one to the next to the next

Not able to stop, you wish you had the brake

A pause on life so that you could get your bearing

Figure out where you are and comprehend

But nothing is there to help you regain your balance

A smashing ending to the ride as it crashes and pieces fly

Nothing to grab or lean on

Nothing to comfort and sooth

Alone, Lost, Aching for comfort and understanding

You wobble and step, never in the same direction

Can’t find the answers when nothing will hold still

Can’t hear the answers when you’re too afraid of losing

Worried about everything and nothing

No thoughts to grasp, only spin and spin until they blur

Moving so fast, thoughts you know where there but thought were locked up

Thoughts you never wanted to bring into the light

Explode and show all of their colors

Your dreams, your fears, your life.

At what point do you cross from a simple coincidence to …that can’t possibly be some random act that coincided?  When does it become too much to just accept as coincidence, no greater force, no god, no push of fate?  How long can you believe that things just happen and that there isn’t a greater force, that there is nothing in control, things just roll on?

I’m not talking about religion, but something greater than humans…something more powerful, or with a wider range of power at least….

Why is it that you can go months or sometimes years without speaking to someone and then call them when they need you the most just because you felt like calling them?  How is it that it seems like the perfect line of impossible events lined up in such a way that something happened with a million to one odds against it….

Granted maybe some things just simply happen…no mater plan behind them, no plot of fate…just simply the way the dice fall with life as the play board.

Do we question why or simply accept?  Does it matter if there is a controlling force or if it’s coincidence?  Or does it simply matter that it did in fact happen and needs to be dealt with from now on?

How do you decide what matters in life and what should simply pass on by?

Walking contradictions they like to call themselves

Sitting down, standing up, can’t decide and walk around

Twirling and spinning, you try to follow their stream of consciousness

To no avail, you simply get lost in their wonderland of supposed logic

The winding path of twisted thoughts, no clarity in their reasoning

Only confusing circles that lack coherence.

You try to discuss and debate, but nothing comes of it

They continue to loop around in their familiar circle.

You only end up spinning around in logical frustration

How their judgement makes sense, you simply cannot understand

You end up walking away to straighten your mind

Trying to think clearly again

Knowing you are still sane…..but live in surrounding confusion.

jumping surprises at every turn

jousting all around

comments and snide remarks

flying across the spaces

What happened to the holiday spirit?  When did it turn into blowing horns and backed up traffic, agonizing over money and pleasing everyone?  When did the holidays have to be a production instead of a nice quiet time with the family.  Now you’re driving as fast as you can from this place to that, catching a plane, and trying to make everyone happy.  Kids packed into the car, instead of shinning eyes watching for Santa.  It’s nice that some people might still pull off a nice holiday, but it seems like the culture is turning it over to stress and commercialism.  Nobody seems to be trying to just have a nice relaxed vacation with their family, there is always more on the list of things to do…always more responsibilities…always more people to see and make happy….When does it all stop?  When will we figure out to put those things aside and go back to the basics?  When will the stress disappear and when will we be able to ignore the latest add or gimmick?  I wish the holiday season was set back around family and friends…surrounding yourself with loved ones and simply feeling lucky to have those people around you.

Are secrets good things or bad?  Do they have to be one or the other?  Should people keep things just for themselves?  Is it possible to have secrets that you don’t even realize that you have?

What about things that you haven’t had time to puzzle out for yourself and therefore simply can’t share them with anyone?  If people hate surprises, should you try and force them onto them just because you like to see people surprised?

Secrets are kept every day.  It’s really nice when you know that you have someone you can tell all of your secrets to and still be loved for who you are, no matter how deviant or taboo the secrets may be.  It’s nice to know that at least one person will always love you no matter what.  It’s also nice to know that when you really love a person you can accept all of that person….all of the secrets, all of the things that make them unique.  It’s nice to be loved.  But what happens when that love is the secret that you have to keep from others…what happens when that love isn’t out in the open for everyone to see.  If you don’t know what will happen with the amazing love that fills you with a passion that wont fade.

Everyone has secrets from someone….even if it’s just from the people that you work with because you never know how they would react or how long you would have a job if you showed them who you truly are.  All that you can hope for is for the people that you love and who love you to always accept you and all of your secrets, openly and proudly.  No conditions…just love.

I find it very interesting how the holidays affect different people in such drastically different ways.  Some people hate the holidays with a passion, some only hate parts of it:  the shopping, the traffic, the lines, the obligations, etc.  Other people love the holidays and begin prepping a year in advance.  Those are the people that have the Christmas lights up the day after Halloween and leave them there until Valentines Day.  I don’t think that there is anything wrong with either of the approaches, if you avoid friends and family or smother them with it is really irrelevant to me, what is interesting to me is that the same thing can cause such happiness, craziness, and depression all at the same time.  Some people are really impartial to the holidays, but it doesn’t seem like many.  It seems like if they celebrate Christmas they either love it or hate it.  I personally love it, but that’s just me.  I love to find the gifts and wrap them all up.  Holiday lights and decorations make me happy while they disgust others.  There are elements of the holidays that I do not enjoy but because it’s the holidays for me, they don’t seem like such a big deal.  Where as with other people, it’s because it’s the holidays that the smallest thing does seem like a big deal.  Such an interesting contrast in feelings from the people around.

It’s nice when you realize that the person you love really does love you for exactly who you are.  It’s nice to know that you are not expected to change, that it’s ok to be who you are.  Even the things that you fear would drive someone away are simply accepted by someone who truly loves you.  It’s so great to know that you don’t  have to that you can be completely honest and that the honesty hasn’t driven the person away….they are still there, still looking in your eyes lovingly and you know that they love you as much as you love them…that you are not alone, not drowning in this powerful emotion that you can’t choose to have or not have…it simply is or is not. 

It’s nice to know that although there is a lot that goes wrong in life or at least not the way you expect things to go…it is a lot easier knowing that you are loved and that your love is accepted with an open heart and returned.  It’s just nice to know that someone cares.  Nice to know that sometimes there really is a perfect fit and that life keeps on going as long as you keep on living and don’t give up.