Shining Thru

It is strange how the smallest thing can make a wall collapse.  I think that people are like that too.  When emotions cause hairline fractures in our soul, confidence, mind, and heart, it only takes the smallest amount of force to break a person.

It could be something so mall that any other time it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but as you hear about it, everything else associated with anything or anyone involved in the situation rises to the top and comes pouring out in your words, emotions, and tears.  A full collapse of the strong facade.

Tears run down your cheek and a sort of self hate rises up as you can no longer control your emotions and keep them hidden from view.  It only takes a pin hole in a balloon and it only takes one moment for a person.

Collapse of the world around you can happen so quickly, everything that you knew to be true can change in a heartbeat.  I guess that is life….always changing, never knowing.

I think it’s crazy that sometimes you can feel more productive in one day than you have felt all week….Sometimes it feels like you have gotten more done in a few short hours compared to the work of a week….Sometimes you can work as hard as you can and yet feel like you have accomplished nothing, and other times you’re sitting around having a good time and realize that you have gotten everything done in no time at all….

I have to wonder, are we more productive when we don’t think about it as hard?  Sometimes it seems like when you’re having fun, the work comes easily, the problem being of course that there are some tasks that cannot become fun, or enjoyable.

So what makes us be productive?  Have you ever gotten a sudden burst of motivation and just worked through everything around you quickly and without problem, but then had other days where even the simplest tasks seem to have something that will trip you up and make things difficult?

I wish I had more productive days….

How can you keep pushing forward when you don’t have a known direction?  If you don’t know what road you’re traveling down, it’s kind of hard to see over the hills in front of you.  Left or right?  North or South?  The various paths in life that pop up, almost like a secret shortcut…until you get inside the forest and get lost.

Directions in life are tricky….

Never knowing what is coming next, knowing that what you really want isn’t your call if you get it or not…knowing that your hands are tied and there isn’t anything else you can do but wait and see….but then how do you move forward…push on so to speak?  Do you just travel blindly or do you try to map out a new route?

All of the things that happen in life can pop up as obstacles.  Do you drive around, take another avenue, or simply travel over the hump?

Do you ever find yourself with two personalities…not in the crazy way, but just the way you act and react to different groups of people compared to when you’re on your own or with a separate group of people that you know better and are more comfortable with?  I’ve noticed that some people have work personalities and then are a completely different person outside of the work place, when they are home, or just hanging out relaxing with coworkers as friends instead of work associates.

I know that my personality changes and people notice it sometimes too…if they see both personalities, but I think it’s just the way certain situations and groups of people make me react.

It’s weird to find the balance of always being yourself but being what people expect of you in certain situations as well…I think that we start this struggle at a very young age.  having to be this while knowing it doesn’t quite fit with who you are as a person…so trying to curve it to make the square peg fit in the circle hole by smooting the edges a little…even when it takes a lot of force.

Some people will argue that you shouldn’t change who you are for any reason…but I’m not sure you are changing who you are…I think it’s more of a action and reaction kind of thing…I think that certain situations simply cause people to act differently….

What happens when the followers become the leaders?  Ever heard the phrase, too many Chiefs and not enough Indians?  It seems to be the way some things are working these days.  Everyone wants to be in charge and feel the power, move up on the ladder so to speak.  With everyone grasping for the power stick, a chance to get behind the wheel, people forget to do their own job, fill the position they are already in….

Why is it that people spend so much time trying to prove themselves that they look plain stupid because they look like they aren’t even capable of doing the position that they are already suppose to be doing.  They try to increase their position by sabotaging those around them, or by stepping on toes and trying to do jobs that belong to other people.

I don’t understand people that don’t want to go through the proper channels of things, who can’t simply feel good about doing a good days work and know that they are doing the best they can at what they are suppose to be doing.  Instead they are fighting for something that might not even be in the cards for them ever, much less right then at that moment.  Just because they want to skip steps to get to the top of the pyramid faster, doesn’t mean that it’s right.

The struggle in the game of tug-a-war played by the adults of our society is obvious…and annoying.  Sometimes the adults I observe act more like children than the kids I know….you want to tell them to stop trying to grow up so fast and enjoy what they have while they have it…because when you get to the top you might be disappointed with the view.

What are the lines and boundaries of privacy?  What if you provide the equipment, do you have rights to know everything that happens with that equipment?  Or is there a line?  Who in their right minds, thought that the school district spying on their students through the built in webcams on the school issued laptops?

Reading the article, “School Officials Likened to ‘Peeping Toms,’” I was amazed that a group of people thought that it was a good idea to try and get a student in trouble, using illegal web images as their evidence….

Didn’t anyone think that it was a bad idea to record teenagers in their home without informing anyone or getting anyone’s permission?  Didn’t anyone consider that weird?  Would any of those school officials like to be viewed in their homes?  And know what goes on behind their closed doors?  I have a feeling that they will argue that because they were school computers they had the right to view whatever goes on around them, but I doubt that will go very far….I have to wonder how many charges and what kind of charges will be brought against this school district.

Interesting things pop up in the news from time to time, the stupidity of people continues to surprise me.

Rushing through life sometimes with no visible end

Just moving from one thing to the next

Not knowing when we’ll stop or what we’re moving towards

Rushing along not know what’s in store, what will happen next?

Only seeing two steps ahead and blindly traveling the rest

Not knowing if it will be an easy downhill journey or a cliff that will bring us crashing down

Tumbling through the darkened night

Continuing to move ahead full force

Not able to stop and look around

Figure it out later, but press on for now

Can’t stop, Can’t slow down, Can only rush ahead.

What makes us react to different things in different ways?  Have you ever had someone have a completely unexpected reaction to something that happened in front of you, or maybe even something that you’ve said?  Ever say something that you thought was just an every day question and have someone break out in tears and leave you standing there speechless, trying to comfort…but not knowing the problem.  So now there is a crying girl and you’re trying to guess at what to say because you’re trying to guess what the problem is…..one doesn’t work on, ok, move on to the next….and hopefully she will feel better….????

Other times maybe people laugh at things that you can’t see the humor in, or get angry about something and leave you wondering why….Not something that was a joke and someone took it to heart, but an everyday random comment that just pissed off the person that happened to be with you at the time…

It’s interesting the way people react to different things.  Some people get happy about just about everything, or at least try to find something good in every situation; others of course look for something to be angry about, others make everything into a dramatic production….

It’s always interesting the way that people handle things that they come across in life.  Things that pop up as obstacles to get around, over, or through.  Which ever way works.  I think it’s important to remember that nobody reacts the same way to any situation.

Why is it that it always seems like the people who are the most removed from another position and are probably only related in their title, feel they have the right to criticize the people who actually work in those positions…and it never seems to be in a productive, working towards the same goal kind of way, more condescending and in the least productive way possible do they approach an issue or a topic.

I think that the most annoying criticism comes from people who think they have power or authority and don’t, or at least not as much as they think they have…it’s not even the people that spend their time wishing they were in charge, it’s the people who think that they are in charge but really aren’t and you just wish that somebody would knock them down a peg or two.

Somebody needs to call them out and make them realize that what they are talking about is a bunch of BS and that they don’t actually have any power in the situation.  Unfortunately, even if someone calls them out, most of the time they have created such a world in their head where they have authority that simply wont understand that someone is speaking out against them…instead they will try to turn it all around, because of course nobody could be talking to them that way.  It’s even more annoying when what you are doing is your job, and you’re doing a good job at it, you are just not doing it the way that they think it should be done, or the way they did it years and years ago when they were in your same position….things change, but apparently, some people will always be jerks when any amount of power is put into their hands, even if it is just a new title….

Why do some people feel that they have to criticize other people who are doing their jobs to justify their position as a legitimate one.  Some people never feel good about themselves until they find something wrong with someone else….

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”  -Gandhi

Can one person really make that big of a difference?  This is a great sentiment that I ran across while looking at a wall of quotes, but if everyone’s ideals are different then I have to assume that if everyone were to live according to this particular quote, that there would also be someone who is equally determined to act opposite from your personal ideals for the world….what happens at that point?  Does it become a battle of the wills to force your change onto the world?  Or can people co-exist with different idealistic goals?  Is living according to your own ideals suppose to make a difference in the world?

What if your ideals go against the conventions of society?  What if someone’s ideals go against the laws of their country?  Are they still suppose to openly defy the laws and live according to their ideals anyway?  Do they secretly wish for their ideals to be accepted?

Where is the line of living in accordance to your own ideals and still accepting everyone else’s ideals while still living according to the constraints of society?  How far do you push the line of the taboo?

It’s nice to see quotes from people like Gandhi, but you have to wonder if there really is any truth to their inspirational purpose, or if they are just pretty words to see on a wall….