Shining Thru

The crisp cool air of the autumn changes meets you as you open the door

Seeing the bright vibrant colors rustle in the branches up above brings a peacefulness

A break from the heat and suffocating humidity, it’s like the first fresh air you’ve had in months

The fall season brings a peace to your mind as you take your time walking outside

Enjoying the change that is all around you in nature

Feeling the change through your whole body, knowing that soon it will be winter

But this moment is perfect, relaxing, and beautiful

The crashing waves, beat the rhythm you hear in your head

Circling around your thoughts one more time

Listening to the gentle crash upon the beach

The birds sore above the swirling madness

Jealous of their freedom I admire them from below

Listening again to the sound of the water I wait

Sitting and waiting, listening and admiring

I see a fish jump in the water as a dolphin chases it into the air

Trapped, fear and successful triumph all in one single snap shot

Watching nature swirl around as the waves continue to crash

Sometimes gently upon the sand

Sometimes hard against the rocks

Wondering what kind of crashing emotion will be mine.

I think it’s strange how one weird thing lands on top of another and another.  It seems that whenever something out of the ordinary happens, it is only the beginning and things just get stranger and stranger until you wish you could just step back and look at the last few days or weeks as a movie to see if you made it all up.  Was it a dream?  Are you over exaggerating the events in your mind or imagining that all of these things happened all within such a short period of time?  When you hear about this type of situation happening to someone else, you sometimes think that they must be exaggerating, just a little bit in all of the confusion or stress of the events….but then you find yourself in the same situation, just thinking:  no one will believe this…no one.  You sit there and ponder how all of the events could take place, how people you haven’t seen or spoken to in months or even years all appear at the same time, at the same time as any number of other things occur:  people acting odd compared to their normal behavior and/or humor, events taking unexpected turns for the good or the bad, never the less all unexpected things.

Why do things tend to find you all at once, they say things come in threes but it seems to me that most of the time it’s more than that.

The clock ticks, the days go by

Weeks later you are still there

In the office, on the corner bus stop

Watches tick, the alarm goes off

A new day approaches that blurs with the old

Interruptions every day keep it from moving forward

Life its self seems paused, frozen, or in slow motion

In the run around of society and daily duties

The days go by and night soon appears

But you don’t know where the time went

Still waiting you pause again and remember you were going somewhere

Waiting for something, Having a thought before it was interrupted by the wait.

Sometimes the best moments in time are the simple moments.  It doesn’t take much, maybe a song that makes you happy or a picture that makes you smile.  The smile of someone that warms you up inside, or the touch that thrills your senses in a way that you can’t explain.  No fancy candle light, no shooting stars, just simple emotion that surges through you in one of the wonderful moments.  A moment that is unconsciously celebrated within your being.  You might not even be aware of the moment until you find yourself still smiling just by thinking back to that moment, and to the gentle touch or charge that you feel from the simplest of things.

Sometimes you just sigh with the pleasure that you are feeling because there is nothing to do but feel the unmistakable calmness of pure happiness.  The happiness that fills your heart and makes it so you can’t stop smiling, even your eyes shine and display your secret freedom of love and happiness to the world.  These are the moments to treasure and keep close, they just help to let go of everything else.

I hear the footsteps on the walkway and my heart skips a beat

I think maybe you came to surprise me, maybe you’re be here to hold me

I hear a car drive by and wonder if I will be coming to you soon

I wonder if you have forgotten me or just gotten busy

It’s so hard to tell what’s going on, once your life is linked to another person.  You don’t know what they are doing or where they are, what’s going on with them personally, you can only see what they allow you to see.  It doesn’t matter what kind of a relationship it is:  professional, romantic, family, or friend….it’s all the same when it comes to wondering where you fit into another’s plans.  You can only know what you see and feel and hear and at generally all three of those things are subjective and can’t be trusted.  Whenever there is another person thrown into the mix of your life, there will be some change, some doubt, some of everything that you can think of.  You might feel betrayed just to find out that it wasn’t at all what it looked like from the outside…you might feel loved when it wasn’t their intention to lead you on, but just to care about you as a friend.  You may feel as though you are unimportant and pushed aside, just to find out that something major had come up, that would automatically cancel any plans with any sane person.

Then you begin to feel the guilt because your initial feelings were wrong and raw.  You let emotion strip away your logic once again and spent a night feeling lonely and sad and hurt, when in reality there was nothing to feel bad about.  It’s hard to know what is what when another person is involved.  Linking your life to another is a big decision that takes a lot of dedication.  It also takes a great deal of patience and compromise.  We all have our own thoughts, and we have to realize that what we are thinking and feeling is also not going to be apparent to those we are linked with.  Sometimes we find ourselves making the same mistakes with our loved ones that when they do it, it drives us crazy.  We have to remember that just as we cannot read their minds, they cannot read ours as well.

Sometimes it’s hard to open yourself up enough to be linked with another person, all of the confusion, and pain, and wide range of emotion that goes with it.  But I feel that the love and comfort overrules those things once you find the right person to be linked with.

The darkness and the storm sneak in, closer and closer, to capture you where you can’t lay in peace, ever haunted by the thoughts and emotions floating aimlessly in the mind ready to strike just as you feel a peaceful moment approaching.  The emotions swirling into a tornado of thundering loudness within the mind, the lightning strikes the nerves that are attached to the feelings they are pulling on, blowing in, consuming….A devouring presence that refuses to be ignored as you sit and squirm and spin, trying to release yourself from the icy steal hold.  The candle flame flickers as your only light tries to stay alive under the covers of the storm, the clouds chilling your bones.  As you don’t want to see but look anyway, curiosity overcoming your good judgment you see the nightmare come alive.

We wonder why our society is going down hill, why the younger generation is less educated and more demanding…and then we read stories like the one found here http://fortheloveofya.blogspot.com/2010/10/censorship-at-its-finest-honoring-end.html and it all makes sense.  It is ridiculous that parents, educators, administrators, and community members would go to these types of extremes to hurt their children and obviously go against what is in the best interest of their children.  Stories like this make me sad, knowing that there are people out there who care and are doing everything, literally everything in their power to make a generation and help us to build a strong and educated younger generations, and then to see them get slammed down and attacked for caring and for doing their jobs.  Ridiculous that this is the state that we find our society and our education system in.  We wonder why we are stuck with the gimme generation as our future, when that is exactly what we are creating them to be…don’t work hard for what you want, simply ask until someone gives in after all you’re entitled to whatever you want because this is America….ridiculous that these are the values we are teaching our children by our examples that we set forth as parents or community members, by not standing up for what we know is right, but not holding them to a higher expectations, even what it is so obvious that is what they are craving the most.  My heart is breaking for the students who loss an amazing opportunity to be taught by someone who really cared about their future and really wanted them to learn and love to learn, someone who was indeed getting results….instead they were shut down, and shown by their parents and community that wanting to expand your mind simply wouldn’t be tolerated.  Those students may remember that they were taught to love reading and were introduced to new and wonderful things, but they will also remember that those thoughts and ideas persecuted someone who they held in high esteem, who they cared about and recognized that they cared about them.  This teacher’s story is one that should be shared and reviewed by everyone, no matter what country, simply because everyone should know that their actions are watched by the younger generation and maybe, just maybe people should give up control long enough to realize that maybe something they didn’t think of is actually in the best interest of their child or children.

Experience is suppose to be the harsh teacher of life.  Something that makes you grow and move forward, but isn’t it possible just to experience things because you can, and maybe to have a little fun?  There are some things that we encounter or bring to ourselves in life that are life changing moments, but some experiences are just fun to be able to remember later, or at least enjoy in the moment, even if you never look back at that moment.  Knowing that something can make you smile and feel some happiness, I think should be reason enough to go ahead with it.  Many people disagree, there are people out there that would like a reason for everything and not want to do anything without a “good” reason…apparently, just wanting to is not a good enough reason for these people to simply go out and enjoy themselves.

Have you ever seen those people that seem to be incapable of simply having a good time, who look stressed and uptight even when they are supposedly “relaxing”.  These people make me sad for them, I feel like making a list in the morning must be the highlight of their day, next to crossing things off of that list and feeling as though they accomplished something.   I’m not saying that we shouldn’t all do productive things, but I am saying that there is some truth to needing a good balance between work and play.  Sometimes the greatest growing experience of all can be when you least expect it.  Sometimes change happens all by itself, and you never see it coming.  Sometimes we need to recognize that we have something right in front of us to enjoy right now, instead of wondering how we can enjoy something in the future.