Shining Thru

Do you ever feel the emotions and emptiness building up inside of you and you try not to feel anything because if you do feel anything you just know that you’re going to explode.  There wont be any stopping the waterworks when they break through the flood gates; there wont be anything stopping the mind from going round and round in an  illogical tornado, upsetting your whole night.  Not able to sleep because you are trying so hard to avoid thought that it’s taking all of your efforts.  Trying not to get upset about things that haven’t even happened yet you find yourself knowing that you’re going crazy from all of  your fears and insecurities.  You just wish that someone could come and help you get a grip, to be hold and feel loved and secure.  Losing int he battle against emotions you try to take a breath and calm down, but it just keeps spiraling until you’re sitting with the Kleenex box next to the bed or couch again.   Knowing that you’re not even making any sense you try to figure out why you are losing this battle when there isn’t even anything that’s happened to you……more and more frustration mounts as you try so hard to make better decisions and eliminate the confusion and chaos, but he consequences are clear, with every choice, it all looks the same in the end.

Okay, now that that’s over, breathe, relax and take in everything from a clear perspective.  One thing at a time, step by step, minute by minute you’ll swim to the top.  After feeling like you’re drowning until you feel like you will fall victim to suffocation.  All of the energy and oxygen drained from your brain as you’re washed over with all of life going over your head, pushing you down.  Falling down with an over flow of feelings, not able to keep the tears in check, they keep running down your face.

Between the sobs, clarity begins to appear.  Slowly but surely the emotions pass and you’re left with a new start.  Taking a deep breath you move forward, make a list, pick up the pieces and move on.  Feeling alone and strong instead of lonely and vulnerable.  Moving forward step by step, it doesn’t seem so big or bad now that you’ve had time to look from a different perspective.  Sometimes you have to look up from the lowest point to see that the path really isn’t as uphill as it first appeared.