Shining Thru

Ever feel so overwhelmed by a feeling that you had no idea was coming?  You spend all day in a good mood, feeling positive about everything, yourself, what needs to get done, just life in general….and then later that night something just snaps and you suddenly don’t feel cheerful any more…but you want to feel happy, you just don’t?  What are you suppose to do when people can obviously see that you are in a bad mood, but you don’t mean to be?  Then an unexplained spiral begins because now you feel like crap because you made other people think you were mad when you know you have no right to be mad…and really you’re not even mad, just in a bad mood.  And then you try to play happy, but it never works because it’s only a half hearted attempt…eventually you settle on just going to bed and trying again in the morning, because really what else is there to do?  If you think about it too much you find yourself lost in a web of bad logic, from which there is no escape….so you ignore it and move on, hoping that it wont mount into a frustration that you can’t control.

Feeling hurt and disappointed all over again, just when you think that you are two steps forward you find yourself shoved backwards until you trip and fall into the water where they hold you there until you can’t feel any more breathe in your lungs, but they let you up right before you drown…always right before you drown, wouldn’t want to deny them the right to do this all over again when you start to let your hopes get back up to eye level again.  Whenever the smile starts to hover in your eyes and you think that it will all work out, they will be lurking in the shadows to ensure you don’t get far, or forget that you were meant to be at the bottom, to be alone, to be forgotten.