Shining Thru

It’s amazing what triggers emotions….it can seem like the strangest times and for things that seem sooo disconnected from what you are currently experiencing you start to question your level of logic.  It’s actually a nice safety check in place to know that the emotions seem so off base that you have to sit there and at least try to logic them out….the trigger is soon dismissed as some type of fluke in the system.

Sometimes a trigger can happen at the perfect moment of passion and thrill, but on the flip side, the smallest thing can cause the biggest distraction when it triggers a slew of memories and emotions.

Have you ever felt a surge of jealousy or some other emotion that simply overcomes your whole mind and energy while it lasts.  You seem to only have two options when something like that happens, either wait for it to pass, act on it, or logic it out.  The third option is the hardest of the three in my opinion.  It means you have to step back for a moment and realize that your emotions can lie and that they can be completely sporadic, irrelevant, and disconnected from the reality surrounding you.

Strength crumbling before your eyes

Watching it dissipate and run through your fingers

Trying to pull it up, not finding it within

Summons are failing no matter how hard you try

Can’t keep going, not strong enough to walk through

Not strong enough to stop the flood gate holding back the emotions

Trying to hang on, but feel the fingers slipping

The grasp failing and fingers scrambling for the edge

Not wanting to drown in the reality you’ve been avoiding

The breath comes only into choking sobs

Tears that refuse to obey your orders of resistance

All the lack of strength, life wearing you down

I saw a commercial today that advertised a show that claimed to display the secrets to a  happy marriage.  I’m not sure that there could be a formula to such a thing…in fact it seems rather ridiculous that anybody would waste their time doing a study on such things.  I’m sure that there probably are some things in common, but everyone is different and as long as human personality and emotions are a factor in the equation there can never be a blueprint for the perfect marriage.

I think the secret is:  Don’t be Dumb, don’t worry about the little things, and Don’t try to change the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with, love them for who they are.

I think that a lot of people take the easy way out and get a divorce instead of working through things.  They were showing clips of interviews with elderly couples, but a lot of those couples grew up in a generation when divorce was taboo and not looked upon as normal like it is now.  I think that if more people removed that option from their minds, they would probably first of all not rush into who they marry, and second try to work things out instead of just deciding that they want to give up.

I think that when you really love someone, you love them for who they are and can be happy together, as long as you accept the person you love the good with they annoying   I hear too many people (mostly women) say that they thought they would change or mature or whatever, but as a good friend told me, always trust people to be exactly who they are.

Wobbly legs that crisscross across the water

Slippery water turned to sleek and slick ice.

Shaking arms out for supported footing

Placing one foot in front of the other

Feeling as if you’re on a tightrope

You walk through life

Tip Toeing around

Scissoring legs try to straighten themselves

Resisting the urge to give up and crawl

Continuing to hold your head up

Confidence does a lot for balance

Balanced for a moment

Looking on watching to see if they will make it

Wanting to come to their side

and hold their hand

Unwilling

Unable

Looking on, knowing that it’s your turn to stumble next

You hope for balance in your life

An unwavering hand to guide you

Give you what you lack

Give you want you want

Not just looking

Walking

It is strange how the smallest thing can make a wall collapse.  I think that people are like that too.  When emotions cause hairline fractures in our soul, confidence, mind, and heart, it only takes the smallest amount of force to break a person.

It could be something so mall that any other time it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but as you hear about it, everything else associated with anything or anyone involved in the situation rises to the top and comes pouring out in your words, emotions, and tears.  A full collapse of the strong facade.

Tears run down your cheek and a sort of self hate rises up as you can no longer control your emotions and keep them hidden from view.  It only takes a pin hole in a balloon and it only takes one moment for a person.

Collapse of the world around you can happen so quickly, everything that you knew to be true can change in a heartbeat.  I guess that is life….always changing, never knowing.

I think it’s crazy that sometimes you can feel more productive in one day than you have felt all week….Sometimes it feels like you have gotten more done in a few short hours compared to the work of a week….Sometimes you can work as hard as you can and yet feel like you have accomplished nothing, and other times you’re sitting around having a good time and realize that you have gotten everything done in no time at all….

I have to wonder, are we more productive when we don’t think about it as hard?  Sometimes it seems like when you’re having fun, the work comes easily, the problem being of course that there are some tasks that cannot become fun, or enjoyable.

So what makes us be productive?  Have you ever gotten a sudden burst of motivation and just worked through everything around you quickly and without problem, but then had other days where even the simplest tasks seem to have something that will trip you up and make things difficult?

I wish I had more productive days….

How can you keep pushing forward when you don’t have a known direction?  If you don’t know what road you’re traveling down, it’s kind of hard to see over the hills in front of you.  Left or right?  North or South?  The various paths in life that pop up, almost like a secret shortcut…until you get inside the forest and get lost.

Directions in life are tricky….

Never knowing what is coming next, knowing that what you really want isn’t your call if you get it or not…knowing that your hands are tied and there isn’t anything else you can do but wait and see….but then how do you move forward…push on so to speak?  Do you just travel blindly or do you try to map out a new route?

All of the things that happen in life can pop up as obstacles.  Do you drive around, take another avenue, or simply travel over the hump?

Rushing through life sometimes with no visible end

Just moving from one thing to the next

Not knowing when we’ll stop or what we’re moving towards

Rushing along not know what’s in store, what will happen next?

Only seeing two steps ahead and blindly traveling the rest

Not knowing if it will be an easy downhill journey or a cliff that will bring us crashing down

Tumbling through the darkened night

Continuing to move ahead full force

Not able to stop and look around

Figure it out later, but press on for now

Can’t stop, Can’t slow down, Can only rush ahead.

Valentines Day reminds us of the love we have in our lives.  There are so many different types of love in this world and a lot of people look for different things when they look for love.  There are some people who are in love with all sorts of things, which I realized while watching the show Taboo the other day.  There were two guys who were in love with their life sized dolls, which weird for me, makes perfect sense to them.

Personally I have different kinds of love with the different live people in my life.  I love my siblings and parents and friends and boyfriend, and all of those kinds of love are different kinds….sow hat is love?

Can people love inanimate objects like cars and beds and dolls?  Is attachment the same thing as love?  You see little kids who wont let go of their blankets or teddy bears for anything, but is that because they love them or they just represent security to them?

What is love?  Even the dictionary isn’t really sure, or at least acknowledges the fact that there are all different kinds of love and that at least in the English language we use the word for everything that we like a lot.  Looking on dictionary.com I was amazed at all of the different definitions that are acknowledge in the dictionary for the word “love”.  I thought it was just the way we use it in our culture, but actually, it seems to have worked it’s way into our dictionaries as well. Does a word lose its meaning when it has so many uses?  I know it still means something to me when my boyfriend says that he loves me, but I think that’s because we don’t say it in every conversation.  For a lot of people the words “I love you” have replaced “goodbye” when talking on the phone.  I think that the word means something more when it’s not used all the time….but then what about all of the uses it has in the English language?

From Dictionary.com :

love

/lʌv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

—Verb phrase

Do you ever find yourself in a situation that forces you into realizations that you have been avoiding for awhile?  Denial can be tricky…sometimes it’s a conscious effort to put yourself in denial and not look at all of the facts, and sometimes you don’t even know that you’re there.  A person can fool themselves into thinking that everything is fine as the world crumbles around them.  The mind is a very powerful instrument.  We can make ourselves believe whatever we want and ignore whatever we want.  The imagination can sometimes run away with us though…

Sometimes people let their minds wander into the impossibilities of this world.  Sometimes they just try to create their won perfect world.  A world made of day dreams and imaginary situations that go just as they’ve planned…

Where as the world often times brings ups back to reality with a powerful slap.  Crashing down around us as our bubble of denial is interrupted.  Disturbed, the nerve of the world to interfere with something that someone took all the time to dream up or the facts that have been pushed to the far corners of the mind, to be left there and ignored….

Ignored until the world points them back out, over and over again, until you can no longer ignore them…or at least not without going crazy.  I think that a person can ignore whatever they want, but it’s only a matter of time before their mind starts to slip away from them, before they can’t grasp any part of reality because they’ve pushed it too far way, creating their own handle on things.  Or they can choose to go the other way and embrace reality and let their dreams fall away…crashing down to the ground and below.  Leaving them afraid to hope or dream for anything else, stuck with only the cold reality of this world we live in.