Shining Thru

I think it’s interesting that people throw a fit over how much violence is in the movies that kids watch today, but they never seem to worry about anything else.  I think that we should be more worried about not that kids might watch aliens or fighting with light sabers, but that they are being desensitized to much more realistic things in our every day society, like responsibility or hard work.  Today more kids than not are not held accountable for their own actions, and they do not realize that things that you get in this life need to be worked for.  I cannot believe how many teenagers and even younger kids that are angry with their parents because they didn’t get the latest IPhone, or whatever they are looking for.  Even though they still have nicer clothes, phones, and sometimes cars that I do and I have a job.  Many children these days don’t know what it’s like to have to work for anything.

I think that our society is worried about desensitizing our children to the wrong things.  I know there is the occasional crazy kid who thinks that the big battles on Star Wars are real, but I think for the most part kids only have healthy imagination and don’t actually feel the need to kill anyone after seeing a movie or playing a video game.  I do however think that we are doing our children a huge disservice by sheltering them from the realities of the real world and giving them more chances than anyone will give them as an adult.  Kids today get to go to summer school, or protest their grade, or have their parents protest their grades, or do online make up credits, all sorts of things, simply because they didn’t feel like doing the work the first time around and failed.  I don’t understand why we keep giving chances like this to children, it would be different if they were actually trying and just didn’t get it, but the ones I know will tell you out right that they simply didn’t feel like it.  Too many young people think that the world will bend to their whims and desires…it’s kind of scary when you think about a future of an entire generation that will be shocked when the realities of adulthood hit them…if they hit them….they might just keep going not understanding why things aren’t working out or letting their parents and grandparents continue to shelter them and do all of the work for them.

People are often times hard to figure out.  I have to wonder what motivates a person to do the things that they do, to live the way that they life….and I haven’t come up with an answer yet.  I’m sure all people are motivated by different things, and different actions are often motivated by different things.  Are there some things inside of us that drive us to do certain things, or act a certain way?  Do our emotions motivate us to do these things, people’s opinions of us?  Society’s protocol, where does that come in?

Joy, Lust, Passion, Doubt, Guilt, Anger:  All different emotions that get very different reactions from people at different times and towards different things.  I have to wonder how many of these things can motivate a person, are there more than one thing at a time that motivates a person, maybe pride and the well being of their family, or guilt as well as wanting to do the right thing….How many different motivating factors get strung into the background of every decision that we make as a person?

I know there are some people that act on a whim…all of the time, or so it seems, but even they are motivated by something, I don’t think that the decisions come all by themselves.  There are other people who sit for hours and make plans and lists.  Some people let other people make their decisions for them, not want the responsibility of a risky plan or one that back fires.

I think that we all have different things to consider in our lives, children, parents, siblings, spouses, lovers, friends, work, money, all sorts of different things that contribute into our plans for the future, or for decisions that take effect immediately.

Happy times remembered with a guilty conscience as you see the suffering all around

You see the struggles and listen to the pain in the cries and the screams

And yet you got lucky and had the good life, the one that everyone wanted

The happenings still alive in your memory, “the good times”

The one stretch of life where nothing could go wrong or knock you sideways

You remember all of the good times and happy hugs and kisses

The memories of holidays and wishes coming true, a smile on your face

Then remember you got the things that you wanted while others went without

Those thoughts now bring guilt onto the mind and heart

Every wish that was granted stings with selfishness

Every present that was opened feels the weight of denial now

To have so much and give so little should be wrong but felt so right

Torn ……not able to determine what is real and what is emotion run wild, you fight off thought and attempts at logic

Hiding in the black recesses of your mind, away from twisted logic that is coerced by overbearing emotions

Moving forward, sad that you can’t share in the happiness you once had

Now only able to provide for yourself and think about survival

The survival you didn’t know was a game that was played behind your back

Your parents the players and you the unaware audience

Played over your head where the words couldn’t reach you in a code unbreakable

Sheltered and kept safe in the world that is created for you and around you

Never knowing that there was something more until you had to grow up

Now there is a whole new world that you need to explore with a blindfold on

Never knowing what is going on in this place that you have rented in the world

Traveling down roads that lead to sweet new discoveries, or to dead ends,

Never knowing which until you arrive, the only way to solve the puzzle is to keep on guessing

Always looking around the corner, not able to see through the trees

Watching as the colors change and steps get closer to the cliff

The outcome still unknown but seems to be a light, a general goal is finally set

The finish line can’t be far beyond, as you hope that one day you’ll be creating the protective world around another

The protective bubble, you can only hope the happiness comes without the price

No overbearing guilt in the next generation, but only appreciation and joy

Nothing taken for granted but never left wanting in the cold, waiting for things to go right

Now only wanting something better, to give something more to those who come next into the unforeseen world.

It’s amazing what a big influence tv shows have on our society sometimes.  Some characters that we get attached to and watch them like they are real people, feel sad or happy for them as the situations call for….it just seems crazy that we allow real emotions to become attached to fiction….  Now sometimes, fiction can be used to reveal the truth, that’s a quote from V for Vendetta.  And I agree with it.  I think a lot of people find personal truths in tv shows or amongst characters or movies.  There are a lot of great and memorable characters, story lines, and quotes that have entered into our society…. but sometimes I think it prompts people to believe in things that aren’t real or to expect life to be something other than it is.  Sometimes I think that some people expect life to be like a fairytale or a movie plot where the good guy always prevails in the end, even when you think he’s dead, somehow they bring him back in the sequel.

But life isn’t like that, and I think it’s hard sometimes for some people to realize that, or come out of denial and accept that fact.  I think that sometimes it’s easier for people to believe that like in the movies, your best friend will always have the perfect timing and show up right when disaster strikes and they will help you overcome whatever overwhelming odds you seem to have come up against….but in reality, friends come and go, and many times they don’t magically reappear down the road….sometimes they are gone forever, sometimes they simply don’t care, and sometimes they are there…but you never know for how long or for what purpose.

It’s always great to see an uplifting movie, sometimes they even make me cry…..I do wish that real life could be like that, where friends stay friends for life and are always there to look out for each other…but it simply isn’t so many times in real life.

Always have to be brave and look out for the others

Always have to stay quiet and keep the secrets locked behind closed doors

Not wanting to upset the others you stay quiet and smile

Give hugs at night and always be brave

No monsters will get you little ones you say….and think, not while I’m here to keep them at bay

Standing guard you brace yourself for the sacrifice of another night

No sweet dreams for you as the others are set free in the darkness

Your nightmare is only beginning, as the stars glisten in from the window

The door creeks but it is not the monster in the closet, but the one down the hall

Calling out in a whisper, you pray that it will only come after you again this night

When it’s over the filth is the only reminder that the others are safe and you did your part

You kept the secret for another night but the knife feels heavier under your pillow

you grip the cool handle and wait…….

At school the others look at you, as if they know you’re hiding behind your face

Something more than the honor roll is held up inside the book sack that you carry

Getting through every day with straight A’s only gets you ignored

By your peers, teachers, counselors, and more

Traveling home on the bus, you sit in the same seat and stare at the same streets

You offer a smile up to a boy that walks towards the back but the icy gaze halts the march

He sits, back turned, out of sight out of mind the world keeps turning in denial

Look back outside the last hope of emotional expression cleared from your heart

You stare and wait………..

The houses fly by until you see the one you are suppose to call home

Not knowing what’s waiting inside you go ahead with the bravery that has become self sacrifice

The fake smiles and hugs as you enter into the chaos that awaits

Dinner burning, dirty floors and faces all around

Having to grow up and leave the past you push forward ever standing

Bracing yourself you move ahead, not allowing yourself to look back

Not wanting to think about what’s in the shadows that will follow

Looking only at what’s there, the only thing that’s real

You slip under the covers and again begin to pray

Reaching around the cool handle….you wait……

Years go by, never stopping to ask why

never stopping to wonder if you were alone

Never stopping to let someone in on the pain

Never expecting anyone else to stop and offer a bone

Dealing withe scraps of life that fate had sent and lent……You wait……..

Always moving forward with the bravery that was learned so long ago

embedded into your very being of survival

no one knows what awaits them under your shadowy mind

As it is overcome with the years of grief and turmoil

You go on waiting, hoping, but never quitting….never turning back.

Until at last you can’t see the end, for the earth no longer has a drop off

You can see that it is an every lasting circle of hurt and affliction

The circle that has only one possible solution, only one that you can see to make it stop

The knife is still there all these years later and you realize that it was never met for another

It was always for you, only meant for you, the only way to end the wait

Trusting people is an interesting thing….you can’t really have close relationships, sexual or otherwise without the foundation of trust…and yet people throw it away as if it was dirty laundry.  You have to wonder if maybe you have given the gift of trust away to easily, and haven’t held the proper interviews….a bunch of things happen when you realize that something that you thought was there really isn’t and maybe never was.

Do you go on trusting people and risking being hurt, and betrayed or keep everything tight up inside and never let anyone in?

What happens when you are no longer sure what friendship means?  Or relationship?  What happens when you don’t know how you should interact with people because you just don’t know what could happen in the future.  I’m sure some people would argue that you need to treasure the time that you have and feel blessed that you had certain people in your life at all…but then what happens when that is suddenly taken from you, no warning, no goodbye, just gone….leaving the empty footsteps in the wake, just waiting to disappear with the wind.  It’s easy to say that  you just want to treasure the time that you have, until that time is gone, and then you have to realize that things are not always that simple.  I think, more times than not, people find themselves wanting that friendship, or that relationship back, if for nothing else, so they can feel that trust they thought they shared with the person again.  Even most friendships have an emotional connection that comes tumbling down when the people separate.

More than likely, the emptiness will fill again if you let it, but of course that leaves the opportunity open for history to repeat itself once again.  So you have to make the decision, do you allow yourself the chance to get hurt and accept new friends into your life, or do you hold back and keep to yourself to never feel the betrayal of a friend shutting you out?

It’s amazing the advances that have been made in communication in the past 100 years, and yet it seems like people are communicating less and less, which is hard to believe with emails, twitter, facebook, blackberries and everything else that people have become addicted to in the past several years.  With all of the comments and remarks that are made back and forth between people these days, I have to wonder how much actually gets said.

Some people have emotional breakdowns over what is posted on facebook, or someone’s blog, or God forbid, there is something wrong with their internet and they are cut off.    It’s funny when the power goes out and you see people look at each other in wonder, asking what are we suppose to do, as if there are not activities outside the world of technology.  It gets even funnier when someone does come up with something and they think, I’ll just message someone on the computer or email them or some other form of communication that doesn’t work, instead of simply calling them or going over to see them.

Actually going some place just to visit with people seems to have almost completely disappeared.  I have to wonder why we allow ourselves to rely on technology the way we do.  What is so important about checking our email as soon as it comes to the inbox, or feeling lost when we have no signal on our cell phone and can’t receive the text messages?

I’m not denying that communication and technology are important, I use them all of the time, in fact, I am one of those people that feels lost without access to the internet, even though I don’t use it every day, there is some type of comfort that comes with knowing that it is there if I want to be able to use it.  We expect communication to be instant these days, I can’t remember the last time I actually sat down and wrote a letter, even birthday cards are becoming fewer and fewer, when you can save the postage and simply send an ecard or message them on facebook or send a text.

So is it better to have instant communication or more heartfelt conversation?

I thought it was interesting today watching CNN…someone brought up the fact that the Media must have gone crazy…the only things that they have to say against President Obama is that there is an extra in a music video that looks like him and that he’s not showing enough emotion about the oil spill.  I mean, what do these people really want?  him to break down in sobs so that he can appear weak to the entire nation instead of strong and level headed.  They even insulted the fact that he was in business pants when he was down on the site…what did they expect for a Presidential Press Event?  I thought that the reporter who was commenting about this whole drama made a good point when he posed the question, do you want the President to play act the part for you, or go ahead and actually do something…

I have to wonder how often it is that the media gets people all hyped up about the wrong issues and how often people are pulled into the drama of the media craze….How often do people put their own priorities, thoughts and feelings aside because they have become caught up in the media frenzy and are now stuck on the point that has been driven into their head every time they have turned on the news or looked at the paper.

I wish our country would go back to thinking for themselves instead of being programmed into thinking whatever other people want them to think.

I don’t understand people that think other people only exist to serve them….they only prove their point by ignoring people until they need something from them, and then all of the sudden they want to be your best friend…or at least until they get what they want from you.  I wish I could understand the mentality that would actually lead a person to think that it is ok to treat people that way, as if they are the Ruler of the land and everyone is just another humble servant who can’t wait to grant their every wish and desire. 

It’s amazing how people choose to interact with each other, or at least with certain people.  As if the people they encounter don’t feel put off at all by the treatment.  Have they never felt hurt or anger or frustration with someone for similar treatment?  Are they not able to feel these things because they are so centered around themselves that it doesn’t even occur to them to feel anything because they don’t notice how others treat them? 

I have to wonder if people realize how they appear when other people witness their treatment of the people around them.  Personally when I see someone who just uses another person, it makes me not want to trust them, or even help them out in any way.  It kind of makes me just want to let them flounder because they are obviously use to people giving them exactly what they want, when they want it; as if they are entitled to something that the rest of us can only dream of.

Love is a very complicated emotion that is shown in numerous ways in many different types of relationships between all types of people.  Love can be shown in an action, with a word, a thought, a look, it all depends on what kind of love you want to show and to whom.  Love interests me because it seems to be one of the things that is sewn into the fabric of our being.

It’s always so wonderful when an unexpected show of love shows up and is appreciated.  It’s so nice when you can see the emotion radiating from the eyes of the one you love as they look at you in the passion of the moment.  It fills your whole body with the warmth of love.

There is always the other views of love, the view of the cynic, a father, a brother, a sister, a mother, a grandparent, a friend….I think that everyone has their own version of love, and everyone experiences it differently, which is what makes it such a wonderful thing when you can find it and feel the real thing