Shining Thru

Every feel like you’re stuck in the mud of life?  Like the invisible force is just gripping onto your wheels and they just keep spinning.  That’s a lot of effort not to see any progress forward, you can go and go for awhile, keeping hope alive that you’ll be able to get out, but sooner or later it will be apparent that this …is NOT working.  But then what?  This was the only idea you had….If you would have had a better plan, you would have tried that first…..so what happens when your plan for life gets turned around and upside down, what happens when you’re barely hanging on, and that’s just because there isn’t another option that makes any sense…no safety net to fall into, no one to run to, you’re just there on the trail that you thought was leading to your future, but is now leading no where.  You think and think about it, but only the same arguments chase each other through your mind, no solutions.  So what do you do?  Get out of the car and start walking, starting over from scratch and just hope that the next path you cross will have a better car and an easier trail, or do you go backwards, try and figure out where things went wrong, or do you struggle on the same path you’re on, but on foot, since your mode of transportation is obviously not moving?  Big decisions that have a ripple effect, into the most minute parts of your life, you wont even realize that the change will spread that far, until it does….maybe for the better, maybe for the worse.  Do you take the chance, or go on spinning your wheels?

Watching The Way of the Gun was a very interesting two hours, if  you haven’t seen it, I recommend it.  It brought up some interesting points, such as the natural order that the world is suppose to have.  It got me thinking about the possibility of a natural order, I’ve never really thought about it before.  The natural order of things that is described in the movie is a very balanced mix of the fairytale lives that we are all told about in books and movies and then reality.

“There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says the good guys always win, that you die when it’s your time or when you have it coming, that the ending is always happy-if only for someone else.”

This statement is the most realistic I have ever heard about happy endings, sometimes it’s just not happy for you.  Now I’m wondering if Darwin was on to something or if we have completely ruled out the natural law of only the strongest survive…..It’s an interesting thought, and it also raises the question of strength of what, body, mind, character?  All different attributes that at one time or another have their uses to aid in the survival process.  Do only the strong survive?  Or do we cater to the weak now to the point that it would be better for a person to be weak, because they would then get attention from others?  Same thing with animals, people are more likely today to stop and help a hurt animal than a strong, healthy, lost animal.  If we are completely ignoring the law of nature to build off of the strongest, are we effectively changing the law of nature?  Or have our actions just not met with the consequences yet?  Or even still, are we simply ignoring the consequences that have arisen from use battling out nature?  Do the good guys always win?  Do the bad guys always meet with justice?  I think anyone with access to the evening news would have to say no…that isn’t the way that it is.  Was it ever that way?

Up and down, left or right….which direction do you go?

Walking down the path, least desired rocky path you were forced onto.

The path of least resistance is not always the easiest

Sometimes stumbling along because you can see the way

Climbing on the rocks and tripping in the grass, slipping on the moss

Sometimes just going forward to avoid the crowd, sometimes going with the flow of the crowd

Not wanting to get stomped in the stampede,

Sometimes going off the path all together

Sometimes because of needing a moment alone,

Sometimes because of shouldering and elbows.

Needing to go forward, not sure if you want to push on into the wilderness

Unknown territory with no designated ending….just walking on

Go back to the easy path?  Cross over to a different path?

Stay here and continue walking on?

Thinking about or ignoring the decision, doesn’t matter…

It’s still there, and you’re still walking on…ever perpetual

Looking at the stars, feeling all alone,

From the start, not knowing where the finish line is

How can you line up for the end when you don’t know where it’s marked?

How can you head in the right direction when you can’t see the guiding stars?

The stars brilliantly bright one minute and then covered in gray clouds the next.

Quickly fleeting, the only comfort and support is gone in the blink of an eye.

Not knowing when or where, not knowing how long or how much…

Only knowing that you’re here, not sure if anyone notices or not.

Knowing you’re alone in what you stand to do

Not knowing if there will be another beside you or behind you

Will they push you forward or stab you in the back, bringing you to a halt?

The stars peek out twinkling long enough for a glimmer of hope…

Before they disappear back into the world of the unknown

Your world is here, as much as you would like to be up there looking down

Your world is not shared but here and now

Your world is under the stars, and praying they wont leave you too

Your world is here…….where will you go?

Funny how a picture can look so clear when developed in black and white.  No distracting colors, only angles and shapes.  Everything is so clear in black and white, no doubt about what’s what.  Very little shades of gray, just black and white.  Wouldn’t it be nice if everything in life were like one of the crisp pictures, if everything in life were this clearly cut, nothing but black and white….as it is, we are stuck wondering around in the shades of gray, some darker than others, some stretching close to white, but not quite pure and clear.  All of the things that are in the land of the in between…no clear answers, nothing that is delivered without a catch, everyone always wondering what is going to happen next, even the most carefully planned routine can be disrupted with something completely unexpected.  Walking and thinking, wishing you were in the land of the photograph.  A land of peace and clarity, but that isn’t reality, that is a dream land that is just out of reach, even in our sleep…haunted by all of the “undecisions”.  All of the choices that have been left unmade.  Waiting for another day, hoping for a day of less gray, maybe just a little more clear cut black and white.

How can you keep pushing forward when you don’t have a known direction?  If you don’t know what road you’re traveling down, it’s kind of hard to see over the hills in front of you.  Left or right?  North or South?  The various paths in life that pop up, almost like a secret shortcut…until you get inside the forest and get lost.

Directions in life are tricky….

Never knowing what is coming next, knowing that what you really want isn’t your call if you get it or not…knowing that your hands are tied and there isn’t anything else you can do but wait and see….but then how do you move forward…push on so to speak?  Do you just travel blindly or do you try to map out a new route?

All of the things that happen in life can pop up as obstacles.  Do you drive around, take another avenue, or simply travel over the hump?

I’m kind of tried of hearing people complain about people in public service jobs:  the cops only eat donuts and drink coffee, teachers are over paid babysitters, nurses only write things down for the doctors, or couldn’t make it through med school….

People make these complaints until they need that service from someone in the community and we wonder why these people are bitter.  They probably love their job, or they wouldn’t do it for the crappy pay.  But instead of thanks they generally get complaints and people who don’t understand why anything that they dream up might simply not be possible….

Why do people think that only their needs are important?  Or that they should always be the first priority?  Instead the people who try to do public services only end up being complained about and hated.  People only want to complain, without taking the time to understand what others have to do.  I think that people should really take the time to look at what other people have to do instead of wondering why they are not doing what you want them to do.

Why do people worry about what is in the past when there is no way to change it?  Why try to change something that is unchangeable?  Regret serves no purpose.  Instead of spending all of the time regretting the past, I wish more people would simply examine the past with an open mind and learn from it to make the future better.  Why try to undo what is already done while the future is still undecided.  The future can still be changed.  The future still hangs in the balance.  People are spending all of their time regretting the past and that only leads to not paying enough attention to the present or where things will go from where, which leads to more regrets.

I feel bad for people that live in the past instead of the present.  Although there are some people who don’t consider the present enough because they are so focused on the future…it’s like they fail to realize that we can’t get to the future without the present and that all of the choices we make now are the choices to keep them on the path to the future they want.  I know we don’t have complete control over anything like that…but why worry about what’s not right here???

Why is it that some people can be so careless with their words, thinking that nothing they say matters; when others feel like people should hang on every syllable? 

Some people will say whatever pops into their minds, no matter what the consequences, mainly because they never stop to think about the consequences.  They also don’t always realize that somebody might be taking all of their spoken thoughts to heart.  Sometimes things should stay in a person’s head.  I, for one, am very glad that people can’t read each other’s minds.  I would be really embarrassed if people could hear or see every thought that popped into my head, and I don’t think I want to know what everyone around me really things about me.

Then the other group of people, don’t seem to realize when what they have to say really doesn’t affect the other person at all, and is just a waste of time as far as the listener is concerned.  Sometimes I think these people need to take a step back and realize that not everyone is going to care, and they should not automatically assume that people do care about what they have to say.  Not everyone is going to have the same interests as these talkers, but these people just don’t seem to realize that not everyone wants to listen.  Not everyone wants to waste their time with what the talker feels is important.  Some people just want to know what they absolutely need to know and then move on with their lives. 

It’s always amazing how two extremes exist every day side by side.  I’m not sure how people don’t drive each other crazy every day.  Or maybe they do and we just don’t hear about it.

Choices rumbling around

Tumbling up and down

From side to side things bounce

Caught in a heated fire of decision

Pacing back and forth

The same thoughts over and over

Trying to make the chaos make clear

Nothing new….same facts as before

Indecision fighting to continue

Knowing you must choose

Every day choices feel hard

One after the other you fight the apathy

Relying on your feelings you fight the indecision

Reality closing in

Decision making ………………