Shining Thru

Intellect?  Where does it get you?  How can you puzzle through relying on blurry thoughts and logic? 

What causes someone to lose sight of what’s important?

To allow things to become hazy and confusing?

Not knowing where your life is going or what road you’re on…

In a sea of colorful balloons that explode in your face when they get too full….

Emotions that can only take on so much, a heart that is tugged at too often…worried and stressed…

All of your thoughts begin to hover in the air until they need rearranging…but what happens when you can’t latch onto them in time to get a grip on what they are?  What happens when you can’t even recognize your own thoughts?  Glimpses of clarity provide hope….Moments of loneliness and worry provide reality. 

What happens when your heart is torn in two?  Knowing that you are so happy with your traveling companion on the road of life, but also knowing that the stress is having its toll and proving plenty of detours and potholes.  Interrupting the smooth ride with the swerves and bumps. 

Maybe that’s what life is…an impossible logic puzzle.  Something that no amount of intellect will be able to uncover.  Sometimes you just have to go with it and hope for the best…..If feelings lie and intellect isn’t enough…what is left to go on except hope?  The knowledge that at least you know when you’re happy

Walking contradictions they like to call themselves

Sitting down, standing up, can’t decide and walk around

Twirling and spinning, you try to follow their stream of consciousness

To no avail, you simply get lost in their wonderland of supposed logic

The winding path of twisted thoughts, no clarity in their reasoning

Only confusing circles that lack coherence.

You try to discuss and debate, but nothing comes of it

They continue to loop around in their familiar circle.

You only end up spinning around in logical frustration

How their judgement makes sense, you simply cannot understand

You end up walking away to straighten your mind

Trying to think clearly again

Knowing you are still sane…..but live in surrounding confusion.

Why are we told that expressing certain feelings are wrong when we are young to the point that when we are adults we feel shame when we feel certain things or begin to cry for one reason or another?  Why are we told that we need to hide our problems?  Everyone has problems and I think it’s important that we help each other through those and be strong for each other.  Sometimes it might be hard to stand by someone not knowing how it will effect you in the future, but it is more important to be strong for the person that you love and care about. 

Is it possible to be strong for someone else while still feeling free and being sensitive to your own feelings?  Your own desires?  Your own fears?  I think sometimes it’s impossible to deal with both and a person needs to put their own feelings and issues aside to help a loved one…but because you love them it’s worth it….

I wish we could always help the people that we love and care about…but sometimes we can’t…sometimes we can only be there for them and keep on loving them.  Especially with life changing decisions there is only one person that can make that call and that is the person at the center of it.  But it’s important that we love them and support them in their decision because it’s their life, it’s as simple as that. 

Decisions are hard enough to make without having to feel alone in the process.  Loneliness is probably the most horrible feeling in the world…so hold the people you are in love with close and let them know that they are not alone, and that they will always be loved.

What does it take to accept yourself for who you are?  Does it include your feelings, even if you know they aren’t always logical…does it mean not making excuses or apologies for what comes natural…even if others see it as wrong?  Does it include the situation that you find yourself in?  Can you have confidence without complete acceptance of who you are?  What if there is something that is very natural in you, but something that you want to go away, should you try and change it, or accept it and just learn how to live with it? 

Strangely enough, I think that some of the cockiest people have the lowest self confidence and have not accepted who they are; they may not even know who they are.  Self discovery is a strange feeling and a long process.  I am willing to bet that some people die, having never figured out who they really were, having always lived in someone’s shadow or the ideals others’ set for them as a child. 

If you hate the situation that you find yourself in, I can see why it would be easy to focus that in as self hatred and blaming yourself for getting yourself in the situation…and although you are responsible for your own choices in life, I don’t think that it’s any reason to hate yourself for those choices…what’s done is done, the question is how will you grow from the experience and move forward into the future with your new understand of yourself and the life that you want to lead. 

I don’t think that we can change our nature…what comes natural to us, has been their since birth…but I do think that we can decide how to use what was given to us to live the type of life that we want to live.  I think that we can accept even our worse qualities and simply learn from them and turn it into something positive that will help you go forward in life. 

I do think that in order to be truly happy, which is something beyond simple contentment, you need to accept yourself…I’m just not sure as to what all that entails.

Feelings are sometimes hard things to sort through, fight against, and/or accept.  A lot of times the logic in your head is screaming at you not to feel the way that you do…so why do you feel that way?  Why is it that feelings can be a great guide, an advanced warning system at the same time they can be a horrible distraction, and really set you off your game.  Sometimes feelings lie…sometimes they are so illogical that they can make you feel crazy.  Sometimes your own feelings or fear of some of your feelings can drive you to loneliness, isolation; to a part of the world that you create for yourself so you never have to fully open up and expose yourself to other people…..but this is no way to live in my opinion.  Fear and Risk generally lead to some of the greatest things in life, including happiness and love.  Settling for contentment is just not really living for most people, at least not for me. 

If we live in fear of our emotions or live constantly fighting our emotions than we will never be happy.  We have to learn how to examine and understand our feelings from a logical point of view.  We need to remember that things are not usually as they seem at first.  We have to remember that feelings can lie.  We have to remember that feelings are a part of our being and without that I don’t think we would be considered human.  We cannot just ignore our feelings, but understand them….Without our feelings we would never feel happiness, love, and passion.  Granted along with these feelings we get some of the negative or scary ones as well, but think about all we would be missing if we hid from or denied our emotions…would we appreciate or even be able to experience happiness if we never experienced sadness?….would relationships grow if we never experienced hurt?

All feelings are important and need to be valued, it’s what makes us human.  We just need to remember that feelings are only part of our being and we can’t separate them from the logical part….

Floating above

Separating from the rest

Push away the feelings and pain

Push away the chance of happy change

Look away because it could bite back

Look away because it might not be a true gift

But you can’t help but look towards the light

The future that you long for

The love that you’ve dreamed of

The love that makes you float in happiness,

instead of floating in loneliness.

You don’t want to be brought back to earth

You don’t want to leave the happy love

You want to stay on the cloud that is safe.

The loving arms around you,

The body heat next to you,

The love that lights your soul

Makes you float….

I think that the smile is the most interesting of reactions to get from someone.  A smile can mean so many different things that it is hard to know which one you are looking at when you see a smile.  A smile can mask emotions when someone is confused, nervous, anxious, or sometimes even angry.  A smile can be used to flirt.  A smile can be used when someone is shy and doesn’t know what to say.  A smile can be used by the villain when they are up to something sinister.  A smile can be used to show appreciation.  There are many uses, but I really think that smiles bring confusion.  It is easy to misread a smile. 

I have heard someone say before to never trust someone who smiles a lot.  At the time it seemed strange to me because we are trained to believe that a smile is a welcoming and warm gesture.  It makes most people feel good to see someone smile.  Now I’m not so sure they didn’t have a point.  I guess it depends on the life experiences that get you to a conclusion like what you believe a smile is. 

The Thoughts become a sea of colors

Swimming confusion inside my head,

I tilt and adjust, but everything stays a blur,

A haze that wont reveal the other side.

What’s to come?

The unknown is the fear, the unseen

The not understanding is the pain,

The ache that wont go away.

But the confusion is life.

Life without pain would be a life without growth

Life without growth would be empty

Emptiness leads to loneliness

And no one wants to be alone.