Between the sobs, clarity begins to appear.  Slowly but surely the emotions pass and you’re left with a new start.  Taking a deep breath you move forward, make a list, pick up the pieces and move on.  Feeling alone and strong instead of lonely and vulnerable.  Moving forward step by step, it doesn’t seem so big or bad now that you’ve had time to look from a different perspective.  Sometimes you have to look up from the lowest point to see that the path really isn’t as uphill as it first appeared.

Looking down at her glass on the bar, she shivered as she felt the hand run down her back

Feeling something that she hadn’t felt in so long…but still a little uncertain

Wanting so much to fulfill the hole deep within, she looked up and smiled as he whispered in her ear

She accepts his guidance and gets up to leave, he puts the money on the bar

They walk out into the clean, open night air on the street, she feels the squeeze of what she hopes is a protective arm

She walks out wondering if this is better than alone at the bar

Someone, anyone to fill night, she continues walking

Deep breath, he escorts her into a cab

He smiles a charming grin and nudget her when the driver asks, where to?

She hesitates and then gives her address

All the time wondering if this is a good idea but not wanting to spend another lonely night

She unlocks the door and invites him in

Turning on a few lights with little small talk and a tour of the house

With great ease he stops her in the bedroom, pulling her close

She shivers in his arms, how much she has craved an intimate and gentle touch these past few lonely months

She willingly accepts his soft caress and offered kisses

She eagerly allows the kiss to get deeper as he pulls her closer still

Sharing the moment of the night with moonlight flooding the now darkened room

Tossed onto the bed she watches him undress with a flare of excitement beating in her chest

Admiring his seemingly passionate love of the moment, they spend the night intimately entwined together

But when she wakes, he’s no where to be found

Was it all a dream, not so lucky, just another piece to a broken puzzle

She is again consumed by the emptiness

Hurt feelings and loneliness fills every ounce of her being

She can’t even think beyond wondering why she can’t be loved….Truly loved

Why did everyone use her and leave her?

Why did she always find herself alone?

The thought swirl through her mind as she prepares for another day alone.

On the other side of the wall, a girl sighs when she sees the reflection of a hurt, torn, and broken girl staring back at her.  Her straight straggly hair; she thinks about going to the dance…but this is as good as it gets.

She slips into her new shoes and removes a stray piece of hair.  One last look to make sure every thing is in it’s rightful place, she’s giddy as she walks out her bedroom door.

She listens to the screaming downstairs and wishes to be any place but here.  Looking at the mirror, she wonders if she will always be here.  Maybe Alice had the right idea, Wonderland?

Her parents meet her at the bottom of the stairs, camera in hand.  They smile and kiss her on the cheek.  She hugs them as her date rings the bell.

She stares at the door, hiding in her room, not wanting to leave, but not wanting to be there.  Wishing there was a way out, she sighs, and looks back to the mirror.

Arriving at the dance she steps out of the rented sports car.  He guides her in with a smile and gentleman’s grace.  She walks in delighted to see the smiles from her friends.

She stares back at the mirror, at her only company.  Her only companion in the room full of sorrows.  She brushes away the tear that slips unwillingly down her cheek.

Floating through the room like royalty, handsome man at her side.  She joins in on the laughter and gaiety, as she is swung around the dance floor.

Silence now fills the house, as everyone else has gone to bed.  Feeling sorry for herself and the life she has been tossed into she sits on the edge of the bed.

The evening is coming to a close as a few people trickle out the door.  Helped into her coat, she smiles at her charming date.

Closing her eyes and laying down, she tries to forget the pain she feels.  She tries to imagine better, happier times spent with friends.

Reaching the door he helps her in, crossing over to his side he smiles at her.  She looks at him with her big green eyes and blushes.

She starts to doze off to sleep as she remembers all of the good times that she’s had.  All of the friends that had surrounded her.

She reaches for the car door and screams as she’s pulled backwards into his arm.  Covering her mouth he tells her how he’s been waiting all night.

She twists and turns in bed, fighting against the darkness of the dreams, and remembers that a year ago, she was at the dance that ended her joy that night.

A smile or a rainbow, a warm gentle rain, or a glimpse of love

The person you love and a smile that gleams through their eyes

A waterfall in the middle of the woods, secluded and romantic

A cozy dinner and movie in the arms of passion

Smiles and laughter when you need it the most

A child’s innocence staring back through the nonsense

A passion dressed in the white of purity

Some beautiful things can never be replaced

Sometimes you wish your life was more like one of the Christmas movies you like to watch at this time of year, where the whole family learns a valuable lesson and everyone is smiling and singing Christmas Carols by the fire at the end of the movie…..unfortunately, life is not like that, not by a long shot.  You’re probably going to have to fight every person in that room if you want them to play the piano, stand around the piano and sing instead of watch whatever game is coming on tv.

Sometimes you wish Christmas was about what you thought it was about all of those years ago.  What the Whoos make it about in one of my favorite Christmas movies, when little Cindy Loo Who wants to make sure that everyone knows Christmas for what it is, instead of what we have turned it into.  I think sometimes we do lose track of what is important.  Even if your family is driving you crazy this Christmas season, it is important that they are still here and that you can still see them.  That you still love them, because they are family and it’s Christmas.  Hopefully we can all keep it together, long enough to remember that message.

From the start, not knowing where the finish line is

How can you line up for the end when you don’t know where it’s marked?

How can you head in the right direction when you can’t see the guiding stars?

The stars brilliantly bright one minute and then covered in gray clouds the next.

Quickly fleeting, the only comfort and support is gone in the blink of an eye.

Not knowing when or where, not knowing how long or how much…

Only knowing that you’re here, not sure if anyone notices or not.

Knowing you’re alone in what you stand to do

Not knowing if there will be another beside you or behind you

Will they push you forward or stab you in the back, bringing you to a halt?

The stars peek out twinkling long enough for a glimmer of hope…

Before they disappear back into the world of the unknown

Your world is here, as much as you would like to be up there looking down

Your world is not shared but here and now

Your world is under the stars, and praying they wont leave you too

Your world is here…….where will you go?