As it rings out clear and true

From the heart

Shining through the eyes

As the smile turns into a joyful sound

Feeling sad, it lifts the spirits

Of you and those around you

Hearing the simply sound has a magic to it

One that can’t be replaced in the heart

And can heal many ailments

Something you need in life

Even the sternest of souls have to crack

Everyone has their point

You laugh so you don’t cry

You laugh to be heard

You laugh to be happy

Joy, Lust, Passion, Doubt, Guilt, Anger:  All different emotions that get very different reactions from people at different times and towards different things.  I have to wonder how many of these things can motivate a person, are there more than one thing at a time that motivates a person, maybe pride and the well being of their family, or guilt as well as wanting to do the right thing….How many different motivating factors get strung into the background of every decision that we make as a person?

I know there are some people that act on a whim…all of the time, or so it seems, but even they are motivated by something, I don’t think that the decisions come all by themselves.  There are other people who sit for hours and make plans and lists.  Some people let other people make their decisions for them, not want the responsibility of a risky plan or one that back fires.

I think that we all have different things to consider in our lives, children, parents, siblings, spouses, lovers, friends, work, money, all sorts of different things that contribute into our plans for the future, or for decisions that take effect immediately.

Pressing on the chest so that it is hard to breathe

Your dreams and reality collide together in overwhelming passion

Coming together for a few moments of peace found in the intimacy

The love and desire filling any gaps in the heart

Soft and warm, held in the adoring arms of the one you are connected to

Feeling free and fluttering off in thought and dreams

Happiness and Joy filling your eyes as you can’t prevent the smile shinning through

You see the struggles and listen to the pain in the cries and the screams

And yet you got lucky and had the good life, the one that everyone wanted

The happenings still alive in your memory, “the good times”

The one stretch of life where nothing could go wrong or knock you sideways

You remember all of the good times and happy hugs and kisses

The memories of holidays and wishes coming true, a smile on your face

Then remember you got the things that you wanted while others went without

Those thoughts now bring guilt onto the mind and heart

Every wish that was granted stings with selfishness

Every present that was opened feels the weight of denial now

To have so much and give so little should be wrong but felt so right

Torn ……not able to determine what is real and what is emotion run wild, you fight off thought and attempts at logic

Hiding in the black recesses of your mind, away from twisted logic that is coerced by overbearing emotions

Moving forward, sad that you can’t share in the happiness you once had

Now only able to provide for yourself and think about survival

The survival you didn’t know was a game that was played behind your back

Your parents the players and you the unaware audience

Played over your head where the words couldn’t reach you in a code unbreakable

Sheltered and kept safe in the world that is created for you and around you

Never knowing that there was something more until you had to grow up

Now there is a whole new world that you need to explore with a blindfold on

Never knowing what is going on in this place that you have rented in the world

Traveling down roads that lead to sweet new discoveries, or to dead ends,

Never knowing which until you arrive, the only way to solve the puzzle is to keep on guessing

Always looking around the corner, not able to see through the trees

Watching as the colors change and steps get closer to the cliff

The outcome still unknown but seems to be a light, a general goal is finally set

The finish line can’t be far beyond, as you hope that one day you’ll be creating the protective world around another

The protective bubble, you can only hope the happiness comes without the price

No overbearing guilt in the next generation, but only appreciation and joy

Nothing taken for granted but never left wanting in the cold, waiting for things to go right

Now only wanting something better, to give something more to those who come next into the unforeseen world.

Always have to be brave and look out for the others

Always have to stay quiet and keep the secrets locked behind closed doors

Not wanting to upset the others you stay quiet and smile

Give hugs at night and always be brave

No monsters will get you little ones you say….and think, not while I’m here to keep them at bay

Standing guard you brace yourself for the sacrifice of another night

No sweet dreams for you as the others are set free in the darkness

Your nightmare is only beginning, as the stars glisten in from the window

The door creeks but it is not the monster in the closet, but the one down the hall

Calling out in a whisper, you pray that it will only come after you again this night

When it’s over the filth is the only reminder that the others are safe and you did your part

You kept the secret for another night but the knife feels heavier under your pillow

you grip the cool handle and wait…….

At school the others look at you, as if they know you’re hiding behind your face

Something more than the honor roll is held up inside the book sack that you carry

Getting through every day with straight A’s only gets you ignored

By your peers, teachers, counselors, and more

Traveling home on the bus, you sit in the same seat and stare at the same streets

You offer a smile up to a boy that walks towards the back but the icy gaze halts the march

He sits, back turned, out of sight out of mind the world keeps turning in denial

Look back outside the last hope of emotional expression cleared from your heart

You stare and wait………..

The houses fly by until you see the one you are suppose to call home

Not knowing what’s waiting inside you go ahead with the bravery that has become self sacrifice

The fake smiles and hugs as you enter into the chaos that awaits

Dinner burning, dirty floors and faces all around

Having to grow up and leave the past you push forward ever standing

Bracing yourself you move ahead, not allowing yourself to look back

Not wanting to think about what’s in the shadows that will follow

Looking only at what’s there, the only thing that’s real

You slip under the covers and again begin to pray

Reaching around the cool handle….you wait……

Years go by, never stopping to ask why

never stopping to wonder if you were alone

Never stopping to let someone in on the pain

Never expecting anyone else to stop and offer a bone

Dealing withe scraps of life that fate had sent and lent……You wait……..

Always moving forward with the bravery that was learned so long ago

embedded into your very being of survival

no one knows what awaits them under your shadowy mind

As it is overcome with the years of grief and turmoil

You go on waiting, hoping, but never quitting….never turning back.

Until at last you can’t see the end, for the earth no longer has a drop off

You can see that it is an every lasting circle of hurt and affliction

The circle that has only one possible solution, only one that you can see to make it stop

The knife is still there all these years later and you realize that it was never met for another

It was always for you, only meant for you, the only way to end the wait

The clouds seem to glide out of the way when you’re near

The storm only reflects the beauty, power, and passion

The shine in your eyes is enough to warm my heart

My heart can feel you coming as it starts to flutter with anticipation

Your arms around me provide more comfort than any blanket,

More security than any weapon

Your love is a treasure that I will not be able to find anywhere but here

I could search the world over and not find anything as good as you.

It’s amazing how people choose to interact with each other, or at least with certain people.  As if the people they encounter don’t feel put off at all by the treatment.  Have they never felt hurt or anger or frustration with someone for similar treatment?  Are they not able to feel these things because they are so centered around themselves that it doesn’t even occur to them to feel anything because they don’t notice how others treat them? 

I have to wonder if people realize how they appear when other people witness their treatment of the people around them.  Personally when I see someone who just uses another person, it makes me not want to trust them, or even help them out in any way.  It kind of makes me just want to let them flounder because they are obviously use to people giving them exactly what they want, when they want it; as if they are entitled to something that the rest of us can only dream of.

It’s always so wonderful when an unexpected show of love shows up and is appreciated.  It’s so nice when you can see the emotion radiating from the eyes of the one you love as they look at you in the passion of the moment.  It fills your whole body with the warmth of love.

There is always the other views of love, the view of the cynic, a father, a brother, a sister, a mother, a grandparent, a friend….I think that everyone has their own version of love, and everyone experiences it differently, which is what makes it such a wonderful thing when you can find it and feel the real thing

Patience and Time…two very interesting concepts.  I am beginning to think that at times people can be very selfish with both.  If you’re not patient with the people you love and care about then you are being selfish and if you expect everything right away and not allow for time to take care of itself you’re being selfish.  I have come to the realization today that patience really is a virtue and the best things come in their own time and we just have to be patient and wait for the happenings in life to work themselves out.  I like this quote, life really is about timing…and you need to know when the right time to make a move and when is the right time to sit back and listen…sometimes great things happen when you just see where life is willing to take you all on its own.

More on time….

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” Albert Einstein

I really like this quote because I think it’s true.  I don’t believe time actually exists…I think it is something that we have made up in order to make everything make sense, give some type of order to the events of life…what if everything does happen at once but we have trained ourselves to think linear when it really isn’t?  What if we can’t see what happens right in front of us simply because we don’t think it’s time for that particular thing to happen?