Shining Thru

The crashing waves, beat the rhythm you hear in your head

Circling around your thoughts one more time

Listening to the gentle crash upon the beach

The birds sore above the swirling madness

Jealous of their freedom I admire them from below

Listening again to the sound of the water I wait

Sitting and waiting, listening and admiring

I see a fish jump in the water as a dolphin chases it into the air

Trapped, fear and successful triumph all in one single snap shot

Watching nature swirl around as the waves continue to crash

Sometimes gently upon the sand

Sometimes hard against the rocks

Wondering what kind of crashing emotion will be mine.

Sometimes the best moments in time are the simple moments.  It doesn’t take much, maybe a song that makes you happy or a picture that makes you smile.  The smile of someone that warms you up inside, or the touch that thrills your senses in a way that you can’t explain.  No fancy candle light, no shooting stars, just simple emotion that surges through you in one of the wonderful moments.  A moment that is unconsciously celebrated within your being.  You might not even be aware of the moment until you find yourself still smiling just by thinking back to that moment, and to the gentle touch or charge that you feel from the simplest of things.

Sometimes you just sigh with the pleasure that you are feeling because there is nothing to do but feel the unmistakable calmness of pure happiness.  The happiness that fills your heart and makes it so you can’t stop smiling, even your eyes shine and display your secret freedom of love and happiness to the world.  These are the moments to treasure and keep close, they just help to let go of everything else.

I hear the footsteps on the walkway and my heart skips a beat

I think maybe you came to surprise me, maybe you’re be here to hold me

I hear a car drive by and wonder if I will be coming to you soon

I wonder if you have forgotten me or just gotten busy

It’s so hard to tell what’s going on, once your life is linked to another person.  You don’t know what they are doing or where they are, what’s going on with them personally, you can only see what they allow you to see.  It doesn’t matter what kind of a relationship it is:  professional, romantic, family, or friend….it’s all the same when it comes to wondering where you fit into another’s plans.  You can only know what you see and feel and hear and at generally all three of those things are subjective and can’t be trusted.  Whenever there is another person thrown into the mix of your life, there will be some change, some doubt, some of everything that you can think of.  You might feel betrayed just to find out that it wasn’t at all what it looked like from the outside…you might feel loved when it wasn’t their intention to lead you on, but just to care about you as a friend.  You may feel as though you are unimportant and pushed aside, just to find out that something major had come up, that would automatically cancel any plans with any sane person.

Then you begin to feel the guilt because your initial feelings were wrong and raw.  You let emotion strip away your logic once again and spent a night feeling lonely and sad and hurt, when in reality there was nothing to feel bad about.  It’s hard to know what is what when another person is involved.  Linking your life to another is a big decision that takes a lot of dedication.  It also takes a great deal of patience and compromise.  We all have our own thoughts, and we have to realize that what we are thinking and feeling is also not going to be apparent to those we are linked with.  Sometimes we find ourselves making the same mistakes with our loved ones that when they do it, it drives us crazy.  We have to remember that just as we cannot read their minds, they cannot read ours as well.

Sometimes it’s hard to open yourself up enough to be linked with another person, all of the confusion, and pain, and wide range of emotion that goes with it.  But I feel that the love and comfort overrules those things once you find the right person to be linked with.

The brush of your lips against my cheek,

Feeling you close I blush and try to contain the surge of emotion

The feelings running rampant all through my body as I tremble

Trying to keep control as I swell with the passion

The desire for you grows as you brush by me again

I whisper in your ear and am unable to hide my blushing smile

I love you and that’s all that’s clear in the haze of passionate emotion

Never Knowing what is coming

Never Knowing where you’re going

Will it be a storm or rainbow that arises next?

Over the hill a startling shock or pleasant surprise

Life is full of things that we cannot possibly know of

Life, Love, Adventure, Heartache, Pain, and Freedom

All come with complications of this world

and the people in it.

The people that strive on emotional health

Even when that health comes from the suffering of others

Some people try so hard to stay in control, never accepting that there are things that we cannot possible dream of knowing.  I’m not sure why some people are so determined to know everything, have a list and a label for everything.  A place for everything, and everything in it’s place….and yet this is exactly what causes them so much pain and confusion when something goes wrong or unexpected.  The complications of this life have to be taken, chalked up to experience and allow the people to keep on movin.  No need to stop and dwell, what’s done is done, and can never be undone.  The experiences of this life, weigh heavily on our emotions and feelings, not to mention, if we allow, can over take our thoughts throughout the other every day events that we still have to make it through, no matter what has happened.  We can’t know what curve balls are going to be thrown at us, but we can deal with it and move on.  It’s amazing how these things can happen to us in both positive and negative ways.  If something bad can happen it can over take our thoughts and feelings, however, I think we sometimes forget that just as easily we can be consumed by passion and love and good surprises as well.

I’m rather sad that it turns out that all of those people who have always said, let it be known that the people you love the most can hurt you the most and I guess that is one of those lessons that sometimes a person has to learn over and over again for themselves the hard way before it sinks in.  Sometimes the most vivid and nerve wrecking pain comes from simply being forgotten, no dirty words, no violence, simply forgotten as if you never existed to them in the first place.  When you realize that, maybe, just maybe your idea of what the relationship you were involved in, no matter what that might  be, friendship, family, or romantic, when the thought comes crashing into your denial that just maybe you were wrong and that the other person never really cared about you, it’s like getting slammed up against a brick wall by a gust of wind.  Wind because you can’t touch it, it can’t hear you cuss it out, you don’t even really know if that’s what happened since there isn’t any evidence except the pain that you’re left feeling in the dark, deep despair.  On edge and anxious, not knowing what’s happening around you.  Are you being too clingy?  Expecting too much?  Or maybe, these thoughts that are seeping in have been the truth the whole time….is there any way to know?  To gain clarity?  All of these questions of WHY and no answers coming your way, you just want to know the truth, but you’re left lost in no man’s land…not sure what’s going on now, what’s really happened in the past, or where everything is headed for the future.  You wonder if you’re feelings are valid, or if you are in so far you can’t see that you’re being irrational.  You wonder if you’re going crazy.  You wonder if you can feel anything without breaking down.  You shut down so that you don’t explode from the pain.

Can’t take it personally, can’t let hope take over because of loneliness

Can’t keep crying through the days and nights, waiting and waiting

Hoping for a chance, but knowing you come second…

It’s the situation you agreed to and live in every day

Today is no different except you let your feelings take over for reason

The logic has left you which makes for a tear stained pillow

A soggy blanket that you held close because it’s all you had

Knowing your love is there but not feeling the gentle touch, not hearing the loving voice

It’s hard to get through a day of Love without experiencing it thoroughly.

Lost and confused in the whirling winds of the crowd

Lost in thoughts and conversation with all of those around

Swirling through the madness of the confusion of others

Surrounded by the every day happenings that come your way

Never knowing what will be done or said

Moving along trying to make sense of it all

Blind to what emotions may be in play, you’re left to guess

False Assumptions that lead to false conclusions

Stumbling through the day, transferring from one thing to the next

Trying to understand what will come next when there is no way of telling

No way of seeing the pattern through the mist, never knowing what’s approaching

Just keep looking and moving through the confusion of people and life

Missing you in the darkness is the loneliness I’ve ever felt

Laying awake cold and undisturbed, huddled alone the bed feels like an ocean swallowing me up

Waiting for you to return and stay, waiting for the whispered “I love you, Good Night”

The passionate love never fading, always strong and burning bright

My heart feels your closeness and my body moistens with the thoughts

Feeling you enter and draw near, softly and passionately

Feeling you enter in the small hole left for you to fill

My heart is bleeding with a vast mixture of emotions

Loving you is my joy as the sweat mixes with the affection

Creating pure ecstasy as our bodies and hearts become one

So glad you’re here now to stay and sleep in the serenity of our gratification

Holding you close knowing that the love was not only for that instant but that it continues on

Knowing that missing you did not weaken the bond, but may have strengthened our joy in this moment

Knowing that I love you, I sigh and go to sleep in your arms

Fit of Passion overwhelming your senses until you can’t move but wanting to push and bust open

The love of the person in front of you is stronger than any force you ever knew

The bed is made and now you hope to lie in it

Knowing you couldn’t want anything else in this moment of perfection

Feeling and grasping, Loving and struggling for breath

Only loving you, in this moment and the one before, and forever

Knowing that this is not an accident or a phase but something real

Something that I can no longer control or hide, something that has to be released to fulfill its potential

This passion and love will only continue to grow as we connect on more levels than just one

It’s not just physical it’s emotional and passionate

Something that is special between two people who are suppose to stay together