Shining Thru

Life is full of new experiences, some of them are planned out for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years.  Sometimes it seems like you wait forever to try something that you have always had your eye on, and then other times, something new can catch you by complete surprise.  Sometimes it’s a good thing, but it can be bad, or at least uncomfortable…other times it is fun, new and exciting.  The thing about surprises, is that you never know until it happens if you’ll get a positive or negative outcome….or sometimes neutral.

It’s funny how new experiences can spring themselves on you, while others you have to fight and work hard for.  It could be something as natural as falling in love, something that you have no control over at all….or it could be stumbling upon an academic program and going back to school.  Or maybe you worked hard to gain access to the academic program of your choice, just to find out at the last minute you missed one of the qualifications listed, so you had to settle for second best.

Sometimes surprises can come at the most inconvenient time, while other times, they hit you at just the right moment and throw you for a huge pick-me-up that you’ve been waiting for.  Sometimes a new experience can open your eyes to a whole new perspective on the world, a whole new set of things that you never knew existed.  Sometimes experiencing something one time can be all you need to find the freedom to enter the whole world and continue to take it up a step each time you go through the door.  Sometimes a crack in the door is the only invitation that you need in order to join the playing field.

Never Knowing what is coming

Never Knowing where you’re going

Will it be a storm or rainbow that arises next?

Over the hill a startling shock or pleasant surprise

Life is full of things that we cannot possibly know of

Life, Love, Adventure, Heartache, Pain, and Freedom

All come with complications of this world

and the people in it.

The people that strive on emotional health

Even when that health comes from the suffering of others

Some people try so hard to stay in control, never accepting that there are things that we cannot possible dream of knowing.  I’m not sure why some people are so determined to know everything, have a list and a label for everything.  A place for everything, and everything in it’s place….and yet this is exactly what causes them so much pain and confusion when something goes wrong or unexpected.  The complications of this life have to be taken, chalked up to experience and allow the people to keep on movin.  No need to stop and dwell, what’s done is done, and can never be undone.  The experiences of this life, weigh heavily on our emotions and feelings, not to mention, if we allow, can over take our thoughts throughout the other every day events that we still have to make it through, no matter what has happened.  We can’t know what curve balls are going to be thrown at us, but we can deal with it and move on.  It’s amazing how these things can happen to us in both positive and negative ways.  If something bad can happen it can over take our thoughts and feelings, however, I think we sometimes forget that just as easily we can be consumed by passion and love and good surprises as well.

Happy times remembered with a guilty conscience as you see the suffering all around

You see the struggles and listen to the pain in the cries and the screams

And yet you got lucky and had the good life, the one that everyone wanted

The happenings still alive in your memory, “the good times”

The one stretch of life where nothing could go wrong or knock you sideways

You remember all of the good times and happy hugs and kisses

The memories of holidays and wishes coming true, a smile on your face

Then remember you got the things that you wanted while others went without

Those thoughts now bring guilt onto the mind and heart

Every wish that was granted stings with selfishness

Every present that was opened feels the weight of denial now

To have so much and give so little should be wrong but felt so right

Torn ……not able to determine what is real and what is emotion run wild, you fight off thought and attempts at logic

Hiding in the black recesses of your mind, away from twisted logic that is coerced by overbearing emotions

Moving forward, sad that you can’t share in the happiness you once had

Now only able to provide for yourself and think about survival

The survival you didn’t know was a game that was played behind your back

Your parents the players and you the unaware audience

Played over your head where the words couldn’t reach you in a code unbreakable

Sheltered and kept safe in the world that is created for you and around you

Never knowing that there was something more until you had to grow up

Now there is a whole new world that you need to explore with a blindfold on

Never knowing what is going on in this place that you have rented in the world

Traveling down roads that lead to sweet new discoveries, or to dead ends,

Never knowing which until you arrive, the only way to solve the puzzle is to keep on guessing

Always looking around the corner, not able to see through the trees

Watching as the colors change and steps get closer to the cliff

The outcome still unknown but seems to be a light, a general goal is finally set

The finish line can’t be far beyond, as you hope that one day you’ll be creating the protective world around another

The protective bubble, you can only hope the happiness comes without the price

No overbearing guilt in the next generation, but only appreciation and joy

Nothing taken for granted but never left wanting in the cold, waiting for things to go right

Now only wanting something better, to give something more to those who come next into the unforeseen world.

What is normal?  What seems normal and obvious to you may be the exact opposite to the person sitting next to you.  You never know what their experiences have been and you don’t know that your perception is shared by those that share the room with you now.  We have all come from different backgrounds, even if you grew up in the same neighborhood, maybe even as next door neighbors, that might mean that you have a better general, mutual agreement of the term “normal” but in reality, normal doesn’t exist.

Normal is some type of thing that we have fooled our society into believing.  Normal is a fake term that is used when people expect the other people around them to understand what is going on inside of their head.  The truth is that nobody can really be inside your head, and it shouldn’t be assumed that other people know your thoughts as if they are being broadcast on the wall behind you at all times…like the people you are talking to have cue cards.

I think that a lot of misunderstandings could be avoided if people were more open to the fact that not everyone has the same background, the same beliefs or the same views on things…and that is ok.  So many people get so defensive like their livelihood is being challenged simply because someone else has a different thought about something.  So instead of opening their mind up to a new experiences, they lock it down and dig in their heels to argue, when no argument is necessary.

“Normal”….that is something that doesn’t exist and probably never will.  What is normal is what the media tells the younger generations to believe is normal…but then what media are we talking about?  What stations are people watching?  What magazines are they reading?  What radio stations are they listening to?  All kinds of things define “normal” for our society, but in reality it is all a matter of perception.

How do we really know what the universe is?  It could be any number of things depending on your perspective.  Some people may be so focused on their job or their family that it becomes the only thing that is worth anything in the life and therefore is their universe.  Nobody knows how far the actual universe goes on?  Does it ever end?  We speak of it as if it is the planets and stars that we have identified and know about; however, I think that we do that because an unending limitation of the actual universe is too much for a lot of people to comprehend, then we may have to admit that the Earth is not at the center of it, and that maybe humans don’t know everything.

I suppose each of us belong to a different universe if we are simply going by our experiences and perception of life and the world that we live in…

It’s interesting how things can take over the world, slowly and without notice….things catch on and spread through a culture until they reach the outskirts of another.  How one thing said in a movie, or in one classroom can lead to it being said generations later in another country…and the people probably don’t even know where it originated.  They simply know what word or phrase or symbol has come to mean to them over the years.  Things can infest the human population, leaking out like a disease, without anyone taking notice. 

I think it’s interesting to watch things evolve from one thing to the next.  To watch something take on a whole new persona with each new passing group that experiences it.  One word can transform and then you ask someone about it and their response is always interesting.  Some people will tell you that they remember when the phrase was made popular and that it didn’t mean the same thing then that it does now.  And others will tell you that they don’t know where the phrase come from…and yet it keeps getting repeated and taken from generation to generation without much explanation, if any. 

These unexplained phenomenons in culture slowly but surely spread their way across the country and then across the world.

It’s amazing at how good you can feel when you are removed from daily routine.  It’s crazy that you can still be working at the same job, maybe even doing the same things but in a different place and have it feel like a vacation.  Sometimes it’s just nice to see and experience new things.  Sometimes it’s just nice not to go to the same building on the same roads that you go to every day.  It’s really nice when you get to meet new people and do new things, and not worry about what is happening back at your real job site.  It’s almost like a paid vacation, even though you’re working the whole time. 

Sometimes it is nice to be removed, but there are the challenges when you do start to wonder what is happening since you’re not where you normally are….is there something major that you’ll have to catch up on when you get back?  will something new need to be done before you get back, or right after?  will there be some new policy or another that you will be completely clueless on?  will some type of training happen and you’ll miss out?  Luckily, I think that most of us can honestly say that we’re not going to worry about it until we get back, but there always seems to be that one person who can’t help themselves.  They have to check their email and voicemails every hour or they feel lost and start to panic imagining the worse case scenarios in their head. 

I think it’s nice to be treated differently, have new experience with people you probably would never have met other wise.  Meeting new people can always be interesting…generally it only goes one of two ways, either you get a long or you don’t….on very rare occasions (unless you have a certain type of personality) it can really just be a neutral, not one way or the other kind of experience. 

Sometimes being away can make you miss what you normally have…sometimes it’s good to get away so you don’t get burnt out on what you do every day….sometimes though it can have the opposite affect and make you want to stay away….I’m glad my experience has been like a paid vacation and I think I’ll be happy to go back to my daily routine…just enough of a break to want to go back and see what’s goingo n and what happened while I was away.