Shining Thru

Strength crumbling before your eyes

Watching it dissipate and run through your fingers

Trying to pull it up, not finding it within

Summons are failing no matter how hard you try

Can’t keep going, not strong enough to walk through

Not strong enough to stop the flood gate holding back the emotions

Trying to hang on, but feel the fingers slipping

The grasp failing and fingers scrambling for the edge

Not wanting to drown in the reality you’ve been avoiding

The breath comes only into choking sobs

Tears that refuse to obey your orders of resistance

All the lack of strength, life wearing you down

I don’t understand the way some people think or logic their way through life….I was reading the news earlier today and was simply baffled by some of the comments underneath the articles from other readers similar to myself.  There was one article about a woman being shot to death in her home while holding her 3 month old baby and all but one of the comments that I read were saying what a bad mother she was and completely tearing her apart….and then another article was about how a teenager jumped out of a moving ambulance and died and there were only comments as far as I could see about how sad it was and how the family should file a lawsuit against the ambulance workers for not containing the boy.  Although I agree that because the boy had mental issues and the circumstances are sad and I feel for the family, I don’t understand how these are the same type of people completely slamming the single mother trying to raise her children.  Instead they are blaming her for the fact that some of her young children witnessed the shooting early in the morning when the kids should have been in bed…apparently it didn’t occur to any of them that the kids may have been sleeping in the same room as the baby and the mother was in there to pick up the baby since most 3 month olds I know don’t sleep through the night completely, or maybe there were woken up by someone breaking into the house, or the confrontation that could have been taking place before the shooting.  How can people in good conscience think that they are in the right passing judgment over a woman who just lost her life like that?  Not one of the comments that I read expressed any type of concern or sympathy for her children, they all just wanted to say how wrong she was for being a young single mother who was shot in front of her children, as if it was her choice, as if she was suppose to know she was going to get shot that day and have the kids pre-removed from the house….I wish people would stop and think before they shoot off their comments into cyberspace.  I have to wonder how many of those people would say those things out loud and how many of them are simply hiding behind the computer.  At least the things I say, I am not too ashamed to voice in real life.  I would hope that these people would be ashamed of their comments if the family of that woman heard them, but I fear that too often in our judgmental society, those people would still think that they are in the right, no matter who they were talking to.

Unfortunately for this young woman, so many people feel that they are in the right and have the right to say whatever thoughts pop into their heads.  Their attempts at thinking are sometimes pitiful and I am sorry to say that I live in a society that feels that they can pass judgment without knowing all of the facts in a situation and publicly post their blind comments about it on the internet.

It is strange how the smallest thing can make a wall collapse.  I think that people are like that too.  When emotions cause hairline fractures in our soul, confidence, mind, and heart, it only takes the smallest amount of force to break a person.

It could be something so mall that any other time it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but as you hear about it, everything else associated with anything or anyone involved in the situation rises to the top and comes pouring out in your words, emotions, and tears.  A full collapse of the strong facade.

Tears run down your cheek and a sort of self hate rises up as you can no longer control your emotions and keep them hidden from view.  It only takes a pin hole in a balloon and it only takes one moment for a person.

Collapse of the world around you can happen so quickly, everything that you knew to be true can change in a heartbeat.  I guess that is life….always changing, never knowing.

What makes us react to different things in different ways?  Have you ever had someone have a completely unexpected reaction to something that happened in front of you, or maybe even something that you’ve said?  Ever say something that you thought was just an every day question and have someone break out in tears and leave you standing there speechless, trying to comfort…but not knowing the problem.  So now there is a crying girl and you’re trying to guess at what to say because you’re trying to guess what the problem is…..one doesn’t work on, ok, move on to the next….and hopefully she will feel better….????

Other times maybe people laugh at things that you can’t see the humor in, or get angry about something and leave you wondering why….Not something that was a joke and someone took it to heart, but an everyday random comment that just pissed off the person that happened to be with you at the time…

It’s interesting the way people react to different things.  Some people get happy about just about everything, or at least try to find something good in every situation; others of course look for something to be angry about, others make everything into a dramatic production….

It’s always interesting the way that people handle things that they come across in life.  Things that pop up as obstacles to get around, over, or through.  Which ever way works.  I think it’s important to remember that nobody reacts the same way to any situation.

I’m not sure how much you are suppose to take before you just decide to give up.  What does it take before a person just hits their limit and says it’s enough…and how do individuals react to such a limit being met….

Do you stretch your limits and just push it back a little further and a little further than you ever thought possible, or do you follow through with your original plan and just quit…

How long can you live on the edge of hating your life, or just an inch away from despair?

Maybe it’s not even in every aspect of your life, of course it’s harder when that feeling of worthlessness hits more than one area, or if not worthless, at least to the point where you don’t feel like you’re ever moving forward and most times feel like you’re being pulled backwards….Sometimes that feeling only hits one aspect of your life, social, financial, professional, etc….Sometimes it’s just one area that just can’t seem to get on the right track no matter how much effort you put towards it.

When it is only one area of your life, how much time and energy are you suppose to take away from other areas in order to try and get that one back on the right path?  Wouldn’t it be easier just to roll over and go back to sleep most days?

True Passion crouches in the shadows of desire

Knowing revelation can’t be possible

Darkness is the safety vest

Hidden away from the light of hypocrisy

Life ticks on by as you crawl against the wall

Hidden from existence, except in secret whispers

The most heart filling whispers that make your body quiver

The heated moments that live on in the dreams of the wearer

The closet tucked inside the hidden subject

The passion wells up inside the skin

It wont let go until it explodes….

Drifting off just before the light barrier.

The feeling of worry is a strange one…half the time people worry about things before they even know it’s something to worry about.  Worry can make a person concerned about an event or fact that isn’t even fact yet….Many people get partial information or the lack of contact and start working over it in their mind until every possible circumstance has gone through, scenarios that make you angry, frustrated, or just plain scared.  You hope for the best, but the best is frustrating as well.

Amazing how someone can take a tiny piece of information and blow it up into a full out story before anything actually happens.  People can worry and stress or live in denial or passiveness.  Either extreme is useless in moving through whatever is going on.

We have to find the information, get the details and then look at everything with a new perspective.  A clean look with logic will generally wipe out both extremes, doesn’t mean that what’s going on is any less important, but at least they can be looked at logically….able to push the emotions aside in order to figure out what is going on.  You can’t blow things out of proportion, just like you can’t continue to ignore their existence….Both extremes will get you nowhere productive, both extremes keep you from moving forward…

Blank

A clean sheet of paper floating in the wind

Brought down and tossed back up

The wings of the fairies dance around the purity

Light shines in rays of brightness through the trees

The open field is a playground

A dancing parade for the emptiness

Not knowing where to go, trapped in the beauty

The moment of nothing

No worries, no pressing matters

Lost in the light of the day

Nothing good, nothing bad

Just peace

It’s strange how much influence one moment can have on a person or on a day or on a life….One moment of intense pleasure can erase a lot of pain and disappointment.  One moment of disappointment can cause a life time of pain and influence if someone allows themselves to dwell on it.  A moment of time can, if allowed by a person, create an obsession with either guilt or pleasure to the point that it influences the rest of their life….

A moment can be any length of time.  It could be in a smile, an event, a day, a month, a phase of life….It could be in a movie or a book that you read, or maybe a person that you meet or hear speak and are introduced to new ideas.

Have you ever been controlled by your feelings in a situation?  Or had an incredible time that makes up for a lot of failures, mistakes, and obstacles…something that is so wonderful it gives you positive energy and encouragement to simply keep going….even if you felt like you were on the edge of giving up that one moment makes it so that you can keep moving…??  It’s an amazing experience.

So many things can cause disappointment….small or large, it’s still effective and can build like a volcano.  Some days you’re afraid to try and do something to make up for the last disappointment because you fear more disappointment….sometimes you can’t take more disappointment in one time period.  Sometimes you order your favorite food at a restaurant because you’ve been craving it for days maybe even weeks…and then it’s screwed up.  Or you go to see a movie the day it opens because you’ve been looking forward to it since the day that you found out about that it was being made.  And then you find out that you liked the story a lot more when you read the book and pictured everything in your head.

Sometimes the little disappointments add up to the point that you can’t handle a large disappointment, or at least makes it much bigger than it would have been had you been having a good time.  Sometimes things add up and up until they are huge, other times big things come and come and it seems like you’re never going to break free of the circle of disappointment you’re never going to get out to the point that you feel like nothing will go right again.

Situations come and go, but there will be always something to disappoint…a movie, a friend, a feeling, a lie, who knows….disappointment sometimes shows up when least expected…usually when you’re just starting to feel safe and secure again.