Shining Thru

I saw a commercial today that advertised a show that claimed to display the secrets to a  happy marriage.  I’m not sure that there could be a formula to such a thing…in fact it seems rather ridiculous that anybody would waste their time doing a study on such things.  I’m sure that there probably are some things in common, but everyone is different and as long as human personality and emotions are a factor in the equation there can never be a blueprint for the perfect marriage.

I think the secret is:  Don’t be Dumb, don’t worry about the little things, and Don’t try to change the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with, love them for who they are.

I think that a lot of people take the easy way out and get a divorce instead of working through things.  They were showing clips of interviews with elderly couples, but a lot of those couples grew up in a generation when divorce was taboo and not looked upon as normal like it is now.  I think that if more people removed that option from their minds, they would probably first of all not rush into who they marry, and second try to work things out instead of just deciding that they want to give up.

I think that when you really love someone, you love them for who they are and can be happy together, as long as you accept the person you love the good with they annoying   I hear too many people (mostly women) say that they thought they would change or mature or whatever, but as a good friend told me, always trust people to be exactly who they are.

Valentines Day reminds us of the love we have in our lives.  There are so many different types of love in this world and a lot of people look for different things when they look for love.  There are some people who are in love with all sorts of things, which I realized while watching the show Taboo the other day.  There were two guys who were in love with their life sized dolls, which weird for me, makes perfect sense to them.

Personally I have different kinds of love with the different live people in my life.  I love my siblings and parents and friends and boyfriend, and all of those kinds of love are different kinds….sow hat is love?

Can people love inanimate objects like cars and beds and dolls?  Is attachment the same thing as love?  You see little kids who wont let go of their blankets or teddy bears for anything, but is that because they love them or they just represent security to them?

What is love?  Even the dictionary isn’t really sure, or at least acknowledges the fact that there are all different kinds of love and that at least in the English language we use the word for everything that we like a lot.  Looking on dictionary.com I was amazed at all of the different definitions that are acknowledge in the dictionary for the word “love”.  I thought it was just the way we use it in our culture, but actually, it seems to have worked it’s way into our dictionaries as well. Does a word lose its meaning when it has so many uses?  I know it still means something to me when my boyfriend says that he loves me, but I think that’s because we don’t say it in every conversation.  For a lot of people the words “I love you” have replaced “goodbye” when talking on the phone.  I think that the word means something more when it’s not used all the time….but then what about all of the uses it has in the English language?

From Dictionary.com :

love

/lʌv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

—Verb phrase

What do you do after the holidays when everything is cleaned up and you’ve visited with everyone that you haven’t seen in awhile, all of the presents are opened and most of them are being played with?  Now you’re missing the familiarity of home and your loved ones back at home.  Your own bed, kitchen, couch, etc….you find out that you miss the comfort of being in your own home.  Tired of living in someone’s guest rooms or several different guests rooms, moving from house to house to see all of the different people, family and friends.  If it’s out of choice or obligation, there comes a point that the visiting just gets tiring and you’re ready to be back at home.  It’s nice to see everyone and spend some time, but eventually it gets kind of old, even if you haven’t spent the whole holiday time with the same people.

What happens when you’re ready to go home.  You need to go back and do everything that you left undone at home.  Spend time with the loved ones from back at home.  Feel loved and happy in your own home.  Be held and able to relax around the town you have come to think of as home….

What creates a family?  I really don’t think that it is the blood that people share.  You can share the same blood as someone and not want anything to do with them, or maybe not even know that you are related, maybe never have even met.  I think that family is created between people who love and care about each other.  If it’s some friends or maybe people who took care of you and that you lived with for whatever reason.  Maybe it’s just a group of people who were thrown together in some unusual circumstances.  The blood running through the veins of a person does not create the person that they are, any more than it creates the person’s family or the group that they belong with.  Sometimes you simply fit with another person and they become your family.  You love and care about each other, support each other through the good and the hard times.

I feel bad for the people that constantly push away the people who simply want to love them.  Want to be there for them and give them a place to belong.  I think that some people are so afraid of being rejected or hurt if they let people be close enough to consider them family that they would rather just keep everyone at arms length and not give them the chance to get close enough to hurt them.  Sadly, sometimes people do get hurt by the people who they love the most, but without risking it, you may never know the love of a family.

Are secrets good things or bad?  Do they have to be one or the other?  Should people keep things just for themselves?  Is it possible to have secrets that you don’t even realize that you have?

What about things that you haven’t had time to puzzle out for yourself and therefore simply can’t share them with anyone?  If people hate surprises, should you try and force them onto them just because you like to see people surprised?

Secrets are kept every day.  It’s really nice when you know that you have someone you can tell all of your secrets to and still be loved for who you are, no matter how deviant or taboo the secrets may be.  It’s nice to know that at least one person will always love you no matter what.  It’s also nice to know that when you really love a person you can accept all of that person….all of the secrets, all of the things that make them unique.  It’s nice to be loved.  But what happens when that love is the secret that you have to keep from others…what happens when that love isn’t out in the open for everyone to see.  If you don’t know what will happen with the amazing love that fills you with a passion that wont fade.

Everyone has secrets from someone….even if it’s just from the people that you work with because you never know how they would react or how long you would have a job if you showed them who you truly are.  All that you can hope for is for the people that you love and who love you to always accept you and all of your secrets, openly and proudly.  No conditions…just love.

It’s nice when you realize that the person you love really does love you for exactly who you are.  It’s nice to know that you are not expected to change, that it’s ok to be who you are.  Even the things that you fear would drive someone away are simply accepted by someone who truly loves you.  It’s so great to know that you don’t  have to that you can be completely honest and that the honesty hasn’t driven the person away….they are still there, still looking in your eyes lovingly and you know that they love you as much as you love them…that you are not alone, not drowning in this powerful emotion that you can’t choose to have or not have…it simply is or is not. 

It’s nice to know that although there is a lot that goes wrong in life or at least not the way you expect things to go…it is a lot easier knowing that you are loved and that your love is accepted with an open heart and returned.  It’s just nice to know that someone cares.  Nice to know that sometimes there really is a perfect fit and that life keeps on going as long as you keep on living and don’t give up.

The passion bursts forth

Not knowing where it built

Not knowing how it came to be

Only knowing that it’s amazing

That there could never be a love so strong as this one

Knowing that the love will last forever if we let it

Love sneaking up into a mounting passion

No longer able to contain what you didn’t even realize was there

Flying high on a cloud of loving hot passion

In a perfect world for that short time

No worries or concerns

Only love, passion, and desire

Only the act of two becoming one in a loving embrace

Soft and subtle, building and building

Love and Passion Explode into perfect peacefulness.

I heard someone the other day talk about how in our society today it’s almost necessary to build up walls to protect yourself from all of the liars and scams that come around today.  However, if we spend so much time trying to protect ourselves by blocking things from coming in, how will we ever take the risk that is necessary for trust?  If we don’t take the risks for trust, how can we ever expect to develop any kind of real relationship?

People are so scared of being hurt that they don’t want to risk the amazing feeling of trust.  Sometimes it seems like the fear of the  little bit of pain that you could experience really battles for control over the love and trust that you could have with a person.  If you never open yourself and take that risk than trust will never be available to you….that has to be the loneliest thing in the world for someone…not to have anyone to trust. 

I hope that most people can allow themselves for at least that one right person to open up to the experience of love and trust.  It would just make me sad to think of someone going their whole life without feeling those things.

What is romance and where can you find it?  Can it be in a song, book, letter?  What about a smile, wink, look?  A touch, a date, a dinner?  A flower, a gift, wine?  What makes something romantic?

Why is it that it seems like one thing could be one of the most romantic things you can think of and absolutely repulse another person or at least make them role their eyes and wish their way out of the conversation or worse the experience if your thoughts are already taking action…..Why is it that one thing might work with one person…maybe you truly enjoyed it, but then tried with someone else, and it is just no use…just wont work.  Why are some things amazing with one person and then boring, something you might even resent with someone else?

I think it’s interesting to see how much the idea of romance has changed, not only on a personal level, but also as a society.  I know I am a romantic at heart.  I love things with personal meaning, I love a lot of the classic ideas of romance…however, I have found that with the right person, almost anything can melt my heart and give me that feeling of romance.

What is family?  I have never thought of my family as just blood relations….but what makes a family?  Does it just take a caring heart…I think it’s more than that.  I think it has to be someone who loves you and cares about you…but more than that they have to be willing to stand by you and be there for you even in the toughest of times….someone who wont walk away because it got hard or they disagreed with a decision that you make.  Blood doesn’t make a family, heart of a person willing to give and sacrifice for another person makes a family….

On that same note, I’m not sure that family requires unconditional love …. or that unconditional is even available to most people.  It’s an interesting concept….LOVE…what is it that attracts some people together for a romantic relationship, parental relationship, or some other kind of family relations.