I was browsing the internet the other day and ran across this website http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/ Now, what’s interesting about this website is that it exists at all.  If you go to this website, it challenges you to do nothing but relax for two minutes, and there is a clock that counts down.  I would really like to know how many times people fail before they get to the end of their two minutes.  It’s not even like the computer would know if you did things that didn’t involve the computer, but I am willing to bet that most people cannot just sit there and listen to the soothing wave soundtrack they have playing on the site for two minutes without touching the keyboard or mouse.

I really think that we have gotten to the point where we are always multitasking or on the move in our society.  I am torn between thinking that is a good thing or a bad thing.  But if you think about it, I think it is pretty true for almost everyone I know.  We are either watching tv while we work, or listening to music AND talking on the phone AND driving AND drinking coffee.    How often do we just take the time to relax, or even just do one thing at a time any more?

Confusion pressing down

Clamping on as you feel the walls cave

Relationships spinning

People yelling

No where quiet

No where peaceful

Confusion of the system

Of the society

Nobody looking

Nobody laughing

Just chaos

Do you ever feel like everyone is laughing and you don’t know why, or just the opposite, that you just said something very clever that NOBODY else in the room understands?  Inside jokes are an interesting thing, it always make somebody feel like they are out of the loop and generally they can’t even be explained to the people properly who weren’t there when they originated, because it just isn’t as funny in the retelling.  But it always seems like once you get somebody that gets it and is in on it with you, you can go back and forth for a very long time.  Sometimes it’s just something as simple as if they’ve seen the movie that you’re referencing and sometimes as complicated as one of those LONG nights that just didn’t seem to end, and turns into 20 different stories by the next day. 

A lot of the time, I think some people take inside jokes too seriously, not that I haven’t been that person that didn’t know why everyone was laughing except me, but it’s nothing to get offended over.  Most people have inside jokes and have left other people out of the loop at one time or another.  It’s not done to be nasty, but it does happen. 

Personally, I love it when I can go back and forth referencing something with someone.   I find it entertaining.  And it’s funny how you can work in lines from movies or commercials into random conversations that really have nothing to do with the original context of the lines.

I hear the footsteps on the walkway and my heart skips a beat

I think maybe you came to surprise me, maybe you’re be here to hold me

I hear a car drive by and wonder if I will be coming to you soon

I wonder if you have forgotten me or just gotten busy

It’s so hard to tell what’s going on, once your life is linked to another person.  You don’t know what they are doing or where they are, what’s going on with them personally, you can only see what they allow you to see.  It doesn’t matter what kind of a relationship it is:  professional, romantic, family, or friend….it’s all the same when it comes to wondering where you fit into another’s plans.  You can only know what you see and feel and hear and at generally all three of those things are subjective and can’t be trusted.  Whenever there is another person thrown into the mix of your life, there will be some change, some doubt, some of everything that you can think of.  You might feel betrayed just to find out that it wasn’t at all what it looked like from the outside…you might feel loved when it wasn’t their intention to lead you on, but just to care about you as a friend.  You may feel as though you are unimportant and pushed aside, just to find out that something major had come up, that would automatically cancel any plans with any sane person.

Then you begin to feel the guilt because your initial feelings were wrong and raw.  You let emotion strip away your logic once again and spent a night feeling lonely and sad and hurt, when in reality there was nothing to feel bad about.  It’s hard to know what is what when another person is involved.  Linking your life to another is a big decision that takes a lot of dedication.  It also takes a great deal of patience and compromise.  We all have our own thoughts, and we have to realize that what we are thinking and feeling is also not going to be apparent to those we are linked with.  Sometimes we find ourselves making the same mistakes with our loved ones that when they do it, it drives us crazy.  We have to remember that just as we cannot read their minds, they cannot read ours as well.

Sometimes it’s hard to open yourself up enough to be linked with another person, all of the confusion, and pain, and wide range of emotion that goes with it.  But I feel that the love and comfort overrules those things once you find the right person to be linked with.

Isn’t it strange the things you pick up from the people you run across and interact with at different crossroads in your life?  Words, phrases, habits, gestures that you can trace back to exactly the person who influenced you, and you notice yourself still saying that one strange phrase or gesture years later…maybe you don’t even talk to that person any more but you can still remember that they were the one who got you saying some strange inside joke that you are now the only one around you that gets it.

I can still remember several people from years ago that I only talk to rarely now who left their mark on me.  Who have me still remembering silly phrases from late college nights or gestures of comfort that still strangely hold their soothing power today.  I think it’s interesting how certain words or gestures can hold their mental hold even after the connection is long gone.  Some things can still make you smile just by saying them, even when you’re the only one to get the joke.  Memories of things that make you smile from something that seems like a far off distant land…you wonder if the other people still remember these things the way you do.

For me, the places, gestures, and sill phrases are still pretty clear in my mind.  The things that helped to form me to who I am today can still be clearly traced back to another time in my life…and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

The weather is changing but so are the people around you, never knowing where things are going or what you’re going to get.  You keep on moving because it’s all you can do, move forward one step at a time and look around to see who’s with you on your journey in this world.  Not know if there is another you watch as the grass dies and the leaves change.  The temperature rises and falls.  Walking down the path as the leaves drift past you in their spiraling downward fall to the ground of the path that we walk along.  Walking on the fresh crunch of the leaves makes you wonder what will happen to you when you fall down and hear the rushing past you on the ground, not even taking notice of what’s there and what’s not.  People walking by and you feel like you’re in an invisible haze that isn’t seen by anyone else.  Everyone so intent on their plans that they can’t stop to take a look around, can’t stop to notice the change that is happening right in front of them, in this world that they are a part of and yet are so easily disconnected from.  Walking along you see the two paths collide with the beauty of the changing fall, not wanting to stumble you take your time…reaching out to your side for another hand you find the one who came along, maybe not the person  that you thought but someone who cared enough to notice that you were wandering away in the midst of all of this change.  The challenge of acceptance is among us as the weather tries to make up its mind, plunging around to confuse all of those caught up in the heat and the rush to those that are freezing and dying at night.  Walking along in this seasonal change, I have to wonder if I’m the only one that notices the yellow that use to be green.

Lost and confused in the whirling winds of the crowd

Lost in thoughts and conversation with all of those around

Swirling through the madness of the confusion of others

Surrounded by the every day happenings that come your way

Never knowing what will be done or said

Moving along trying to make sense of it all

Blind to what emotions may be in play, you’re left to guess

False Assumptions that lead to false conclusions

Stumbling through the day, transferring from one thing to the next

Trying to understand what will come next when there is no way of telling

No way of seeing the pattern through the mist, never knowing what’s approaching

Just keep looking and moving through the confusion of people and life

Does there need to be a definition of something for it to be a real thing?  If you were to ask something their definition of happiness, you might get a different definition every time…so much of an emotion or some non-tangable thing depends on the perspective of the person who is experiencing it.  Everyone has their own past and present that they bring to the table when they experience something new….Two people can be at the same event at the same time, standing right next to each other, and report two completely different things depending on what they saw through their own eyes…

Does that mean that the non-tangable things like happiness, sadness, anger, faith, etc. are not real things?  If there is no definition that will work for everyone, can it be a real thing, or something that just floats around in our subconscious or out there in the universe somewhere waiting to be experienced by every individual person so that everyone can decide for themselves what exactly each thing is or should be defined as.  So, if the definition isn’t solid, does that mean we can’t believe these things exist? 

I don’t think so, I think there can be a general understanding of something without an actual definition; however, if you start asking people to give a definition to these complicated feelings and concepts, you will only run into more questions.  What is happiness – anything that makes you feel good -  well then what is good?  And so on and so on. 

Is the definition what makes something real, or is the simple general knowledge what makes it real, and or gives it character among the living?

It is absolutely amazing what kind of things are found online.  Anything from complete books, to random facts, to jokes, to porn…Google has become a household word, instead of reaching for the dictionary or encyclopedia people fire up their computers or smart phones and go straight to the google homepage.  You can learn fascinating things from the internet, and one thing that I really appreciate about the internet is that many times you can find a simplified and quick way of gaining the knowledge you need or want at the moment.

You can also gain great trivia facts.  Like some of the following that I wanted to share here:

Futility Closet

Black Humor

Moving through life with the sting of the stare

Always seeing, always wondering, what’s behind the whisper

The noisy confusion of the whispered gossip that blares out from behind closed doors

The static that surrounds you as you move in closer to listen, convincing yourself you don’t care

You keep on walking, Keep on moving so that nothing can catch up

Traveling over bridges built just to be burned, explosions of the mind deafening the bruises that glisten on the skin

Leaving destruction in your wake as you move through this life

Not knowing where you are going or when it will end

You keep on moving, avoiding what you cannot understand

The blend of people mingling all around you and yet not one of them sincere

Deceit the tool of their survival as they mold to fit the status quo

Fitting the latest movement of their life, no matter what it means for the mountains that fall on top of you

As you run, shuffle, crawl, forge, and sprint ahead trying to escape what will always be there

Moving through the life that was once dead

The tears that you bled, only create the next river that needs to be crossed

Setting up the scene for the next bridge to be built

The next relationship formed,

Keep on moving, no one will stop for you, no one moving aside, only merging

Once in awhile you’ll catch a waiting hand to help pull you up

But once you’re up you need to continue to move through the tough and the rough