Shining Thru

It’s amazing what triggers emotions….it can seem like the strangest times and for things that seem sooo disconnected from what you are currently experiencing you start to question your level of logic.  It’s actually a nice safety check in place to know that the emotions seem so off base that you have to sit there and at least try to logic them out….the trigger is soon dismissed as some type of fluke in the system.

Sometimes a trigger can happen at the perfect moment of passion and thrill, but on the flip side, the smallest thing can cause the biggest distraction when it triggers a slew of memories and emotions.

Have you ever felt a surge of jealousy or some other emotion that simply overcomes your whole mind and energy while it lasts.  You seem to only have two options when something like that happens, either wait for it to pass, act on it, or logic it out.  The third option is the hardest of the three in my opinion.  It means you have to step back for a moment and realize that your emotions can lie and that they can be completely sporadic, irrelevant, and disconnected from the reality surrounding you.

Do you ever find yourself in a situation that forces you into realizations that you have been avoiding for awhile?  Denial can be tricky…sometimes it’s a conscious effort to put yourself in denial and not look at all of the facts, and sometimes you don’t even know that you’re there.  A person can fool themselves into thinking that everything is fine as the world crumbles around them.  The mind is a very powerful instrument.  We can make ourselves believe whatever we want and ignore whatever we want.  The imagination can sometimes run away with us though…

Sometimes people let their minds wander into the impossibilities of this world.  Sometimes they just try to create their won perfect world.  A world made of day dreams and imaginary situations that go just as they’ve planned…

Where as the world often times brings ups back to reality with a powerful slap.  Crashing down around us as our bubble of denial is interrupted.  Disturbed, the nerve of the world to interfere with something that someone took all the time to dream up or the facts that have been pushed to the far corners of the mind, to be left there and ignored….

Ignored until the world points them back out, over and over again, until you can no longer ignore them…or at least not without going crazy.  I think that a person can ignore whatever they want, but it’s only a matter of time before their mind starts to slip away from them, before they can’t grasp any part of reality because they’ve pushed it too far way, creating their own handle on things.  Or they can choose to go the other way and embrace reality and let their dreams fall away…crashing down to the ground and below.  Leaving them afraid to hope or dream for anything else, stuck with only the cold reality of this world we live in.

Sleepiness washing over you like a tidal wave of hopes and dreams
A crashing blow that brings you down
Or a gentle rocking that can put you out
Weariness that is inside your soul as you move forward
Avoiding sleep, without a choice
Pressing on you hear the voice
Calling to you with a sweet lullaby
Nodding your head you stand up to make the effort
Making a move so you don’t stop in your tracks
Your head steadily falls
Eyelids closing gently but forcefully
You can’t go on and fight the dream
You can only submit to the power of nature
The human body and its design
Come crashing down into your reality
Knowing you need to move and can’t
Knowing something must be done
Sleep is the only option now

Why does it seem like every time you get a step ahead, you get knocked back one, if you’re lucky it’ll only be one and not three.  Every time a glimmer of hope appears on the horizon it is shot down by a lunar eclipse.  It doesn’t seem to matter how well things are going, you have to put yourself on alert for the blunt force trauma to hit.  Money comes your way and something breaks, Savings add up and there is an emergency; complications hit knocking us down.  All you can do is sigh and chalk it up to life.  One point life….when will the next one come?  You’re hoping it’s not one of those things that comes in threes.

You don’t have many choices when you get knocked down, you can stay down and accept that’s the way things are, or you can get up and begin the climb again and hope that you don’t step on the slippery slope before you make it to the top.  Or worse, reach the top of the mountain just to trip and tumble down the other side.

Does God exist or simply created in the minds of those who do exist?  Like a dream that feels so real when you wake up you need to check the facts of the day before to make sure that it didn’t really happen?  Is God created out of habit, need for something to be in control, need for something bigger, need for someone to blame???  Or does God exist rather people want to admit it or not?

There are many interesting short stories about if God exists or not….Some proving that God does exist, some trying to encourage faith, and some trying to prove just the opposite and leave people without any confidence in their faith….

None of these stories can actually answer the question of if God exists or not….Can anyone or anything prove the existence of God?  On the other hand, can anyone or anything prove that there is no existence of something higher than what we can see?

What creates faith?  What creates God?  Does the existence of God really matter if people have faith in something, isn’t it the faith that gives that thing the power?  Or does that thing reign with power even when there is no faith?  Does faith give God power, or does God strengthen faith?  Is there a God or not?  Does it matter as long as people believe in a God?

Why is it that some people can live in some delusion where they think that they are so much better than everyone around them and can decide what should and shouldn’t be in other people’s lives….We have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, further more, we have no idea what is liked behind closed doors.  Everyone has their secrets.  Looking at some sites today, I was reading a lot of comments about certain videos.  Some people were really nasty with their comments about other people simply because they didn’t approve of whatever behavior was going on in the video.  Talking about how she should go after the guy or whatever the case may be….it’s like some of these people can’t even fathom that other people may actually enjoy things that they don’t.  Someone once told me with a shrug, “some people eat bugs.”  I think that this is a great phrase to go by, some people do eat bugs, some people think that raw heart is a delicious treat for special occasions to eat.  Who are we to say that they are wrong in any regard.  What right do we have to disregard the likes or preferences of some people simply because they do not line up with our concept of “normality”.  I don’t think that such a thing as “normal” really exists.  I think that some people think what they are use to is normal but they have no idea what goes on in the next house down the road…not really.  They know what they have seen and what people have told them, but how many people reveal every intimate aspect of their life???  I’m not saying that the actions of a serial killer should be condoned and chalked up to them simply being unique and expressing themselves…but I am saying that people should really have more of an open mind and realize that everyone has their secrets, everyone has something going on behind closed doors, and maybe that should be considered before condemning another person for their beliefs, actions, kinks, preferences, or lack there of….

Vacations are weird things….sometimes they can be so wonderful that you don’t want to go back to reality…other times they can become nothing more than a stretch of time of boredom….the other possibility is that it becomes more stressful than your day to day life in the working world.

For me, the holiday break is a welcome break, but by the time I go through the boredom stage and am just settling into enjoying the break, it is time to go back to work.  The first few days spent winding down and trying to get caught up in the things outside of work.  Then maybe a day of enjoyment, but generally over the holidays there are too many things to do and people to see to have time to rest.  Then there is the boredom stage of feeling like I’m not accomplishing anything.  Then I am able to enjoy a few days, happily oblivious to the work that is waiting for me back at the job.  Then reality hits…it’s time to go back….

Sadness, frustration that I didn’t have enough time to get everything done over the break that I had planned to do; knowing that I’m dragging my feet, all of the emotions filter through as I prepare for the next day of returning to work.  I wonder if it will be the same as when I left it or if I will feel good returning?  Will I find the joy that I did after the summer vacation?  Or will I be frustrated that I’m there and start a count down until the next vacation?…

Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures.
Jessamyn West

This is an excellent quote that reminds me of another quote from the movie V for Vendetta:  “Author’s use lies to tell the truth, Politicians use lies to hide the truth.”  I think that both of these quotes send a great message about how the truth can be revealed in the fiction that is created through people’s creativity….generally, it’s a pretty safe way to expose the truth, because the author can always claim that it was a fictional story that was completely made up, while others can see through the title of fiction and recognize the truth….

I have found in my own readings that I see a lot of things in the world today that have been exposed to me through fictional stories that I probably would not have thought about, or at least not analyzed as in depth if it hadn’t been for the stories that sparked the thoughts and connections to our worlds today.

I believe that artists and authors make such powerful statements through their work that are simply not appreciated as often or as much as they should be.  I think that a lot of a culture and society can be exposed by looking at what kind of creativity comes out of the people of that society.

Stripes and checkers

Colorful designs reside in black and white

Melting together into a blended gray.

Perception of them all blending together

Reality becoming a blur

Until all you see is one solid design

Colors don’t matter

Shapes are irrelevant

It’s simple perception that creates the new look

Through the eyes of one who never sees

Through the blurring of confusion

The new look appears and grows stronger

Strength and belief builds into reality.

Choices rumbling around

Tumbling up and down

From side to side things bounce

Caught in a heated fire of decision

Pacing back and forth

The same thoughts over and over

Trying to make the chaos make clear

Nothing new….same facts as before

Indecision fighting to continue

Knowing you must choose

Every day choices feel hard

One after the other you fight the apathy

Relying on your feelings you fight the indecision

Reality closing in

Decision making ………………