Shining Thru

I hear the footsteps on the walkway and my heart skips a beat

I think maybe you came to surprise me, maybe you’re be here to hold me

I hear a car drive by and wonder if I will be coming to you soon

I wonder if you have forgotten me or just gotten busy

It’s so hard to tell what’s going on, once your life is linked to another person.  You don’t know what they are doing or where they are, what’s going on with them personally, you can only see what they allow you to see.  It doesn’t matter what kind of a relationship it is:  professional, romantic, family, or friend….it’s all the same when it comes to wondering where you fit into another’s plans.  You can only know what you see and feel and hear and at generally all three of those things are subjective and can’t be trusted.  Whenever there is another person thrown into the mix of your life, there will be some change, some doubt, some of everything that you can think of.  You might feel betrayed just to find out that it wasn’t at all what it looked like from the outside…you might feel loved when it wasn’t their intention to lead you on, but just to care about you as a friend.  You may feel as though you are unimportant and pushed aside, just to find out that something major had come up, that would automatically cancel any plans with any sane person.

Then you begin to feel the guilt because your initial feelings were wrong and raw.  You let emotion strip away your logic once again and spent a night feeling lonely and sad and hurt, when in reality there was nothing to feel bad about.  It’s hard to know what is what when another person is involved.  Linking your life to another is a big decision that takes a lot of dedication.  It also takes a great deal of patience and compromise.  We all have our own thoughts, and we have to realize that what we are thinking and feeling is also not going to be apparent to those we are linked with.  Sometimes we find ourselves making the same mistakes with our loved ones that when they do it, it drives us crazy.  We have to remember that just as we cannot read their minds, they cannot read ours as well.

Sometimes it’s hard to open yourself up enough to be linked with another person, all of the confusion, and pain, and wide range of emotion that goes with it.  But I feel that the love and comfort overrules those things once you find the right person to be linked with.

We wonder why our society is going down hill, why the younger generation is less educated and more demanding…and then we read stories like the one found here http://fortheloveofya.blogspot.com/2010/10/censorship-at-its-finest-honoring-end.html and it all makes sense.  It is ridiculous that parents, educators, administrators, and community members would go to these types of extremes to hurt their children and obviously go against what is in the best interest of their children.  Stories like this make me sad, knowing that there are people out there who care and are doing everything, literally everything in their power to make a generation and help us to build a strong and educated younger generations, and then to see them get slammed down and attacked for caring and for doing their jobs.  Ridiculous that this is the state that we find our society and our education system in.  We wonder why we are stuck with the gimme generation as our future, when that is exactly what we are creating them to be…don’t work hard for what you want, simply ask until someone gives in after all you’re entitled to whatever you want because this is America….ridiculous that these are the values we are teaching our children by our examples that we set forth as parents or community members, by not standing up for what we know is right, but not holding them to a higher expectations, even what it is so obvious that is what they are craving the most.  My heart is breaking for the students who loss an amazing opportunity to be taught by someone who really cared about their future and really wanted them to learn and love to learn, someone who was indeed getting results….instead they were shut down, and shown by their parents and community that wanting to expand your mind simply wouldn’t be tolerated.  Those students may remember that they were taught to love reading and were introduced to new and wonderful things, but they will also remember that those thoughts and ideas persecuted someone who they held in high esteem, who they cared about and recognized that they cared about them.  This teacher’s story is one that should be shared and reviewed by everyone, no matter what country, simply because everyone should know that their actions are watched by the younger generation and maybe, just maybe people should give up control long enough to realize that maybe something they didn’t think of is actually in the best interest of their child or children.

Experience is suppose to be the harsh teacher of life.  Something that makes you grow and move forward, but isn’t it possible just to experience things because you can, and maybe to have a little fun?  There are some things that we encounter or bring to ourselves in life that are life changing moments, but some experiences are just fun to be able to remember later, or at least enjoy in the moment, even if you never look back at that moment.  Knowing that something can make you smile and feel some happiness, I think should be reason enough to go ahead with it.  Many people disagree, there are people out there that would like a reason for everything and not want to do anything without a “good” reason…apparently, just wanting to is not a good enough reason for these people to simply go out and enjoy themselves.

Have you ever seen those people that seem to be incapable of simply having a good time, who look stressed and uptight even when they are supposedly “relaxing”.  These people make me sad for them, I feel like making a list in the morning must be the highlight of their day, next to crossing things off of that list and feeling as though they accomplished something.   I’m not saying that we shouldn’t all do productive things, but I am saying that there is some truth to needing a good balance between work and play.  Sometimes the greatest growing experience of all can be when you least expect it.  Sometimes change happens all by itself, and you never see it coming.  Sometimes we need to recognize that we have something right in front of us to enjoy right now, instead of wondering how we can enjoy something in the future.

Isn’t it strange the things you pick up from the people you run across and interact with at different crossroads in your life?  Words, phrases, habits, gestures that you can trace back to exactly the person who influenced you, and you notice yourself still saying that one strange phrase or gesture years later…maybe you don’t even talk to that person any more but you can still remember that they were the one who got you saying some strange inside joke that you are now the only one around you that gets it.

I can still remember several people from years ago that I only talk to rarely now who left their mark on me.  Who have me still remembering silly phrases from late college nights or gestures of comfort that still strangely hold their soothing power today.  I think it’s interesting how certain words or gestures can hold their mental hold even after the connection is long gone.  Some things can still make you smile just by saying them, even when you’re the only one to get the joke.  Memories of things that make you smile from something that seems like a far off distant land…you wonder if the other people still remember these things the way you do.

For me, the places, gestures, and sill phrases are still pretty clear in my mind.  The things that helped to form me to who I am today can still be clearly traced back to another time in my life…and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

The weather is changing but so are the people around you, never knowing where things are going or what you’re going to get.  You keep on moving because it’s all you can do, move forward one step at a time and look around to see who’s with you on your journey in this world.  Not know if there is another you watch as the grass dies and the leaves change.  The temperature rises and falls.  Walking down the path as the leaves drift past you in their spiraling downward fall to the ground of the path that we walk along.  Walking on the fresh crunch of the leaves makes you wonder what will happen to you when you fall down and hear the rushing past you on the ground, not even taking notice of what’s there and what’s not.  People walking by and you feel like you’re in an invisible haze that isn’t seen by anyone else.  Everyone so intent on their plans that they can’t stop to take a look around, can’t stop to notice the change that is happening right in front of them, in this world that they are a part of and yet are so easily disconnected from.  Walking along you see the two paths collide with the beauty of the changing fall, not wanting to stumble you take your time…reaching out to your side for another hand you find the one who came along, maybe not the person  that you thought but someone who cared enough to notice that you were wandering away in the midst of all of this change.  The challenge of acceptance is among us as the weather tries to make up its mind, plunging around to confuse all of those caught up in the heat and the rush to those that are freezing and dying at night.  Walking along in this seasonal change, I have to wonder if I’m the only one that notices the yellow that use to be green.

It’s amazing how tired you can get just from every day life.  I see people running from here to there with their children, have gooey, jelly finger prints on their back from where they carried their baby into the daycare that morning.  Tired circles under every one’s eyes, moving a long, up early from children, chores, or driving to work, gotta get there early and keep it moving.  It’s something our society has trained us as important….or at least with some people.  Some people don’t have a choice, they have to line everything up right and hope that nothing goes wrong, because one thing can throw their whole routine and therefore their whole day off.  The routines of our lives wear on us, bearing down the reality of life and responsibility.  It’s kind of funny when you’re little, very few children ever realize what kind of things their parents have to consider just to make the household work.  You can’t wait to grow up and be one of the adults and then we you become an adult, you long for the days that you could take a nap in the middle of the day and not have to worry about what chores and other things aren’t getting done in the meantime.
Being an adult and having to deal with everything that comes the way of your house or your job, no matter if you are directly involved or not…it is still something you have to deal with.  All of the decisions of every day life start to wear on you until you are distracted from the things that you like to do and enjoy about life because you are too caught up doing the different things that have to be done, and every time you cross one thing off of the list it seems like three more things get added.
It seems like there is just too much to do and not enough time to do it in, especially if you want any kind of social life, or just down time to relax.  In today’s society, I don’t know how some people balance everything that they are a part of along with the regular house chores and family life.  Some of these people have every family member in their household as a member or participant of three, four, five different things…plus school, work, church, etc.  That just seems crazy to me.  It’s hard enough for a single person to have a social life and keep up with work, much less someone with children.
As we move through life, growing up and figuring out that there are many more responsibilities than I ever thought possible as a little kid.  I didn’t realize at the time why parents worked long hours or multiple jobs.  So much is based around money and you have to have a side hustle just to make ends meet.
I have to wonder why we work so hard just to keep afloat in life, but we don’t really have a choice, or at least not options that most of us would choose when it comes down to working hard or being homeless…just just keep it moving and make the sacrifices on the personal level.

Dreams are like time, nobody really knows what they are…or how they are made.  There are a lot of theories, but nobody really knows the truth.  I think it would be wonderful to know how to acknowledge a dream and then have control throughout it, living it as if it was real until I woke up.  I wish I had that kind of power over my dreams, but I’ve only realized I was dreaming a very few times and that caused me to wake up, except for one time that I can remember.  How wonderful would it be to have a separate reality, where anything is possible?  Where you could fly, change the background, go any place you want and try anything that may or may not be possible in the real world.

I think that it would be an amazing time to be able to dream up a world and to share that world with the people that you actually like to have around without the annoyance of the others.  You could have whatever animals around that you want, or be completely animal free if you aren’t an animal person…..anything would be possible.  Different colors everywhere, games, movies, whatever you like.

The movie Inception, perks a lot of interesting concepts about dreaming and controlling not only your own dreams, but influencing the dreams of others.  I think it would be amazing to be able to share a dream world.  To be able to create a world and invite people in, I have seen things like it with virtual worlds for online chatrooms where you design your own areas and everything, but how amazing would it be to feel like you were really there.  For everything to feel real and be a memory like a real experience would be.

Would the memory of a dream be of more or less worth than that of a real life experience?

Swirling of the soul suddenly stops

Mirrored images of fairies and princesses fade away with the laughter and smiles

Disappearing and growing into reality

Escape of books and imagination becoming a distant memory

As you watch the little girl rise into womanhood through the trials of life

Facts of existence becoming authentic as the woman develops within

Seeing the new reflection of the eyes staring back at you, you realize

New feelings and emotions suppressing the old

Now and forever having to show the validity of the adult

No longer free to spin, dance, and play

No longer free to relax into a tea party or sing without shame

Having to let go of the carefree existence you once knew as reality

Can’t continue to converse with the good friends that dolls and teddy bears become

Sitting alone on the shelf as you wallpaper and paint over the kittens and bows

Not only the walls of the room changing but the inside of the girl

Looking into a world no longer full of innocence, no longer a peaceful sight

Only able to appreciate the occasional break in the clouds

To see the sun and remember the days that the princess was alive and well

When magical fairies were able to roam around the yard as you put on a show of delight for all of those around

Delight in the smile and laughing eyes of the innocent and true joy

The small moments of passion and love that take you back to a feeling of bliss unhindered by life’s existence

I think it’s interesting that people throw a fit over how much violence is in the movies that kids watch today, but they never seem to worry about anything else.  I think that we should be more worried about not that kids might watch aliens or fighting with light sabers, but that they are being desensitized to much more realistic things in our every day society, like responsibility or hard work.  Today more kids than not are not held accountable for their own actions, and they do not realize that things that you get in this life need to be worked for.  I cannot believe how many teenagers and even younger kids that are angry with their parents because they didn’t get the latest IPhone, or whatever they are looking for.  Even though they still have nicer clothes, phones, and sometimes cars that I do and I have a job.  Many children these days don’t know what it’s like to have to work for anything.

I think that our society is worried about desensitizing our children to the wrong things.  I know there is the occasional crazy kid who thinks that the big battles on Star Wars are real, but I think for the most part kids only have healthy imagination and don’t actually feel the need to kill anyone after seeing a movie or playing a video game.  I do however think that we are doing our children a huge disservice by sheltering them from the realities of the real world and giving them more chances than anyone will give them as an adult.  Kids today get to go to summer school, or protest their grade, or have their parents protest their grades, or do online make up credits, all sorts of things, simply because they didn’t feel like doing the work the first time around and failed.  I don’t understand why we keep giving chances like this to children, it would be different if they were actually trying and just didn’t get it, but the ones I know will tell you out right that they simply didn’t feel like it.  Too many young people think that the world will bend to their whims and desires…it’s kind of scary when you think about a future of an entire generation that will be shocked when the realities of adulthood hit them…if they hit them….they might just keep going not understanding why things aren’t working out or letting their parents and grandparents continue to shelter them and do all of the work for them.

It’s amazing what a big influence tv shows have on our society sometimes.  Some characters that we get attached to and watch them like they are real people, feel sad or happy for them as the situations call for….it just seems crazy that we allow real emotions to become attached to fiction….  Now sometimes, fiction can be used to reveal the truth, that’s a quote from V for Vendetta.  And I agree with it.  I think a lot of people find personal truths in tv shows or amongst characters or movies.  There are a lot of great and memorable characters, story lines, and quotes that have entered into our society…. but sometimes I think it prompts people to believe in things that aren’t real or to expect life to be something other than it is.  Sometimes I think that some people expect life to be like a fairytale or a movie plot where the good guy always prevails in the end, even when you think he’s dead, somehow they bring him back in the sequel.

But life isn’t like that, and I think it’s hard sometimes for some people to realize that, or come out of denial and accept that fact.  I think that sometimes it’s easier for people to believe that like in the movies, your best friend will always have the perfect timing and show up right when disaster strikes and they will help you overcome whatever overwhelming odds you seem to have come up against….but in reality, friends come and go, and many times they don’t magically reappear down the road….sometimes they are gone forever, sometimes they simply don’t care, and sometimes they are there…but you never know for how long or for what purpose.

It’s always great to see an uplifting movie, sometimes they even make me cry…..I do wish that real life could be like that, where friends stay friends for life and are always there to look out for each other…but it simply isn’t so many times in real life.