Shining Thru

Can’t take it personally, can’t let hope take over because of loneliness

Can’t keep crying through the days and nights, waiting and waiting

Hoping for a chance, but knowing you come second…

It’s the situation you agreed to and live in every day

Today is no different except you let your feelings take over for reason

The logic has left you which makes for a tear stained pillow

A soggy blanket that you held close because it’s all you had

Knowing your love is there but not feeling the gentle touch, not hearing the loving voice

It’s hard to get through a day of Love without experiencing it thoroughly.

Missing you in the darkness is the loneliness I’ve ever felt

Laying awake cold and undisturbed, huddled alone the bed feels like an ocean swallowing me up

Waiting for you to return and stay, waiting for the whispered “I love you, Good Night”

The passionate love never fading, always strong and burning bright

My heart feels your closeness and my body moistens with the thoughts

Feeling you enter and draw near, softly and passionately

Feeling you enter in the small hole left for you to fill

My heart is bleeding with a vast mixture of emotions

Loving you is my joy as the sweat mixes with the affection

Creating pure ecstasy as our bodies and hearts become one

So glad you’re here now to stay and sleep in the serenity of our gratification

Holding you close knowing that the love was not only for that instant but that it continues on

Knowing that missing you did not weaken the bond, but may have strengthened our joy in this moment

Knowing that I love you, I sigh and go to sleep in your arms

Moving through life with the sting of the stare

Always seeing, always wondering, what’s behind the whisper

The noisy confusion of the whispered gossip that blares out from behind closed doors

The static that surrounds you as you move in closer to listen, convincing yourself you don’t care

You keep on walking, Keep on moving so that nothing can catch up

Traveling over bridges built just to be burned, explosions of the mind deafening the bruises that glisten on the skin

Leaving destruction in your wake as you move through this life

Not knowing where you are going or when it will end

You keep on moving, avoiding what you cannot understand

The blend of people mingling all around you and yet not one of them sincere

Deceit the tool of their survival as they mold to fit the status quo

Fitting the latest movement of their life, no matter what it means for the mountains that fall on top of you

As you run, shuffle, crawl, forge, and sprint ahead trying to escape what will always be there

Moving through the life that was once dead

The tears that you bled, only create the next river that needs to be crossed

Setting up the scene for the next bridge to be built

The next relationship formed,

Keep on moving, no one will stop for you, no one moving aside, only merging

Once in awhile you’ll catch a waiting hand to help pull you up

But once you’re up you need to continue to move through the tough and the rough

Stirring the heart, the fluttering returns

Pressing on the chest so that it is hard to breathe

Your dreams and reality collide together in overwhelming passion

Coming together for a few moments of peace found in the intimacy

The love and desire filling any gaps in the heart

Soft and warm, held in the adoring arms of the one you are connected to

Feeling free and fluttering off in thought and dreams

Happiness and Joy filling your eyes as you can’t prevent the smile shinning through

It’s amazing what a big influence tv shows have on our society sometimes.  Some characters that we get attached to and watch them like they are real people, feel sad or happy for them as the situations call for….it just seems crazy that we allow real emotions to become attached to fiction….  Now sometimes, fiction can be used to reveal the truth, that’s a quote from V for Vendetta.  And I agree with it.  I think a lot of people find personal truths in tv shows or amongst characters or movies.  There are a lot of great and memorable characters, story lines, and quotes that have entered into our society…. but sometimes I think it prompts people to believe in things that aren’t real or to expect life to be something other than it is.  Sometimes I think that some people expect life to be like a fairytale or a movie plot where the good guy always prevails in the end, even when you think he’s dead, somehow they bring him back in the sequel.

But life isn’t like that, and I think it’s hard sometimes for some people to realize that, or come out of denial and accept that fact.  I think that sometimes it’s easier for people to believe that like in the movies, your best friend will always have the perfect timing and show up right when disaster strikes and they will help you overcome whatever overwhelming odds you seem to have come up against….but in reality, friends come and go, and many times they don’t magically reappear down the road….sometimes they are gone forever, sometimes they simply don’t care, and sometimes they are there…but you never know for how long or for what purpose.

It’s always great to see an uplifting movie, sometimes they even make me cry…..I do wish that real life could be like that, where friends stay friends for life and are always there to look out for each other…but it simply isn’t so many times in real life.

Trusting people is an interesting thing….you can’t really have close relationships, sexual or otherwise without the foundation of trust…and yet people throw it away as if it was dirty laundry.  You have to wonder if maybe you have given the gift of trust away to easily, and haven’t held the proper interviews….a bunch of things happen when you realize that something that you thought was there really isn’t and maybe never was.

Do you go on trusting people and risking being hurt, and betrayed or keep everything tight up inside and never let anyone in?

What happens when you are no longer sure what friendship means?  Or relationship?  What happens when you don’t know how you should interact with people because you just don’t know what could happen in the future.  I’m sure some people would argue that you need to treasure the time that you have and feel blessed that you had certain people in your life at all…but then what happens when that is suddenly taken from you, no warning, no goodbye, just gone….leaving the empty footsteps in the wake, just waiting to disappear with the wind.  It’s easy to say that  you just want to treasure the time that you have, until that time is gone, and then you have to realize that things are not always that simple.  I think, more times than not, people find themselves wanting that friendship, or that relationship back, if for nothing else, so they can feel that trust they thought they shared with the person again.  Even most friendships have an emotional connection that comes tumbling down when the people separate.

More than likely, the emptiness will fill again if you let it, but of course that leaves the opportunity open for history to repeat itself once again.  So you have to make the decision, do you allow yourself the chance to get hurt and accept new friends into your life, or do you hold back and keep to yourself to never feel the betrayal of a friend shutting you out?

Embarrassment is a strange emotion.  It comes when you least expect it and can come in so many forms, in so many places, and from so many different people.  The other thing about embarrassment is that it can last for all sorts of different time spans.  Some people are able to let go of embarrassment rather quickly, while others can hold on to it, and begrudge anyone who saw them get embarrassed.  Some people can even embrace the feeling and turn it into a positive experience because they like all of the attention, while others spend all of their time hiding in the shadows, dodging all of the attention from everyone or at least the people who are not close to them.

It’s amazing how certain people can make you always feel safe and never make fun of you or embarrass you.  It has always interested me to know how some people you can just connect with right away and never look back, never regret that relationship, and never feel betrayed.  I think that we should feel lucky to know people that make us feel safe and secure, people who appreciate us for who we are and don’t hold our little malfunctions, or quirks against us.  These people we should always hold close to our hearts and never let get too far away.

Embarrassment, I think is one feeling that can really tell you a lot about your relationship with the people that you are around.  Some people can make you feel better about it, brush it off, laugh it off, and some people will hold it against you and point it out to everyone who comes your way.

I saw a commercial today that advertised a show that claimed to display the secrets to a  happy marriage.  I’m not sure that there could be a formula to such a thing…in fact it seems rather ridiculous that anybody would waste their time doing a study on such things.  I’m sure that there probably are some things in common, but everyone is different and as long as human personality and emotions are a factor in the equation there can never be a blueprint for the perfect marriage.

I think the secret is:  Don’t be Dumb, don’t worry about the little things, and Don’t try to change the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with, love them for who they are.

I think that a lot of people take the easy way out and get a divorce instead of working through things.  They were showing clips of interviews with elderly couples, but a lot of those couples grew up in a generation when divorce was taboo and not looked upon as normal like it is now.  I think that if more people removed that option from their minds, they would probably first of all not rush into who they marry, and second try to work things out instead of just deciding that they want to give up.

I think that when you really love someone, you love them for who they are and can be happy together, as long as you accept the person you love the good with they annoying   I hear too many people (mostly women) say that they thought they would change or mature or whatever, but as a good friend told me, always trust people to be exactly who they are.

Valentines Day reminds us of the love we have in our lives.  There are so many different types of love in this world and a lot of people look for different things when they look for love.  There are some people who are in love with all sorts of things, which I realized while watching the show Taboo the other day.  There were two guys who were in love with their life sized dolls, which weird for me, makes perfect sense to them.

Personally I have different kinds of love with the different live people in my life.  I love my siblings and parents and friends and boyfriend, and all of those kinds of love are different kinds….sow hat is love?

Can people love inanimate objects like cars and beds and dolls?  Is attachment the same thing as love?  You see little kids who wont let go of their blankets or teddy bears for anything, but is that because they love them or they just represent security to them?

What is love?  Even the dictionary isn’t really sure, or at least acknowledges the fact that there are all different kinds of love and that at least in the English language we use the word for everything that we like a lot.  Looking on dictionary.com I was amazed at all of the different definitions that are acknowledge in the dictionary for the word “love”.  I thought it was just the way we use it in our culture, but actually, it seems to have worked it’s way into our dictionaries as well. Does a word lose its meaning when it has so many uses?  I know it still means something to me when my boyfriend says that he loves me, but I think that’s because we don’t say it in every conversation.  For a lot of people the words “I love you” have replaced “goodbye” when talking on the phone.  I think that the word means something more when it’s not used all the time….but then what about all of the uses it has in the English language?

From Dictionary.com :

love

/lʌv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

—Verb phrase

What is family?  I have never thought of my family as just blood relations….but what makes a family?  Does it just take a caring heart…I think it’s more than that.  I think it has to be someone who loves you and cares about you…but more than that they have to be willing to stand by you and be there for you even in the toughest of times….someone who wont walk away because it got hard or they disagreed with a decision that you make.  Blood doesn’t make a family, heart of a person willing to give and sacrifice for another person makes a family….

On that same note, I’m not sure that family requires unconditional love …. or that unconditional is even available to most people.  It’s an interesting concept….LOVE…what is it that attracts some people together for a romantic relationship, parental relationship, or some other kind of family relations.