Shining Thru

I saw a commercial today that advertised a show that claimed to display the secrets to a  happy marriage.  I’m not sure that there could be a formula to such a thing…in fact it seems rather ridiculous that anybody would waste their time doing a study on such things.  I’m sure that there probably are some things in common, but everyone is different and as long as human personality and emotions are a factor in the equation there can never be a blueprint for the perfect marriage.

I think the secret is:  Don’t be Dumb, don’t worry about the little things, and Don’t try to change the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with, love them for who they are.

I think that a lot of people take the easy way out and get a divorce instead of working through things.  They were showing clips of interviews with elderly couples, but a lot of those couples grew up in a generation when divorce was taboo and not looked upon as normal like it is now.  I think that if more people removed that option from their minds, they would probably first of all not rush into who they marry, and second try to work things out instead of just deciding that they want to give up.

I think that when you really love someone, you love them for who they are and can be happy together, as long as you accept the person you love the good with they annoying   I hear too many people (mostly women) say that they thought they would change or mature or whatever, but as a good friend told me, always trust people to be exactly who they are.

Valentines Day reminds us of the love we have in our lives.  There are so many different types of love in this world and a lot of people look for different things when they look for love.  There are some people who are in love with all sorts of things, which I realized while watching the show Taboo the other day.  There were two guys who were in love with their life sized dolls, which weird for me, makes perfect sense to them.

Personally I have different kinds of love with the different live people in my life.  I love my siblings and parents and friends and boyfriend, and all of those kinds of love are different kinds….sow hat is love?

Can people love inanimate objects like cars and beds and dolls?  Is attachment the same thing as love?  You see little kids who wont let go of their blankets or teddy bears for anything, but is that because they love them or they just represent security to them?

What is love?  Even the dictionary isn’t really sure, or at least acknowledges the fact that there are all different kinds of love and that at least in the English language we use the word for everything that we like a lot.  Looking on dictionary.com I was amazed at all of the different definitions that are acknowledge in the dictionary for the word “love”.  I thought it was just the way we use it in our culture, but actually, it seems to have worked it’s way into our dictionaries as well. Does a word lose its meaning when it has so many uses?  I know it still means something to me when my boyfriend says that he loves me, but I think that’s because we don’t say it in every conversation.  For a lot of people the words “I love you” have replaced “goodbye” when talking on the phone.  I think that the word means something more when it’s not used all the time….but then what about all of the uses it has in the English language?

From Dictionary.com :

love

/lʌv/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

—Verb phrase

What is family?  I have never thought of my family as just blood relations….but what makes a family?  Does it just take a caring heart…I think it’s more than that.  I think it has to be someone who loves you and cares about you…but more than that they have to be willing to stand by you and be there for you even in the toughest of times….someone who wont walk away because it got hard or they disagreed with a decision that you make.  Blood doesn’t make a family, heart of a person willing to give and sacrifice for another person makes a family….

On that same note, I’m not sure that family requires unconditional love …. or that unconditional is even available to most people.  It’s an interesting concept….LOVE…what is it that attracts some people together for a romantic relationship, parental relationship, or some other kind of family relations.

How do people control other people?

I think that we see this in action the most with parents and their children….even though some children seem to have reversed the roles while nobody was looking.  Sometimes parents control their children with fear, bribery, encouragement, logic, mind games, etc.  I think that most people take their own approach when it comes to parental control….just as I think children find their own ways of testing their parents and trying to get their control…

What is it about certain things that create certain reactions within us from another person, especially from someone close to us.  Screaming tantrums often get their way in today’s society; although I know that type of thing seems unbearable at times, is it really benefiting anyone to reward such behavior…what reaction within us causes us to lose our logical side for a moment?  Although it ends the screaming now, what happens the next time a kid wants something their way….or the next and so on and so on? 

What is it about guilt that seems to control all sorts of people, especially people that know you care about them?  I know I can be manipulated by guilt, as I am greatly affected by it and it can cause all sorts of stress reactions….I wonder what it is about that particular emotion that can really get to people?

Some people are easily persuaded to change their minds or open them up to something, or close them to something by the people that are around them, or opinions they are exposed to in the media on a regular basis….some people just buy into everything that they hear if it sounds like there is a good case behind it, even when there are no facts to back it up…while others cannot be persuaded even when fact after fact is laid out right in front of them….

So what is it that people give into?  Is it the people closest to them?  The opinions and values they are raised with?  The media?  Or something else completely?

The largest meaning can come from the smallest word, or a simple look, or the slightest change in tone….It’s amazing how much we can read into the words and actions of others, even when, at times there is nothing to read into, it was a simple statement to that person, but to you, it changed your whole perspective. 

It’s crazy how some words hold such value to you, while another person just throws them away or uses them without spare.  How some words knock you down while holding another person up, maybe simply hearing them called that is what causes the conflict…..Words and body language are powerful tools, and deadly weapons, at least deadly in an emotional war. 

Verbal and emotional wars happen all over, all the time, between all sorts of people.  Some of the things people say can really hurt and sting, or smolder until you think you’re going to go crazy if you don’t talk about it…what’s funny is that sometimes they don’t even know that they hold that kind of power.  A person who loves you and who you love and trust can really break you down with a simple word or phrase; or the lack of a phrase or kiss, or a change in body language towards you….It’s amazing how all of these things can mess with the human mind and emotions….

How can we keep our emotions from taking over the logical side when we have to rely on our emotions when dealing with the people that we love.  We don’t necessarily have to know why we love them the way that we do, with such fire and passion, we simply do, because our emotions are so over powering that they can’t be ignored by the logical side of things.  The same way that they can’t be ignored when they have been damaged or knocked down so hard that they are out of breath for the moment. 

I wish we could realize the power that we have on the people around us, the influence that a simple kind word or remembering to call to say hello, give a hug or a smile, or say “I love you” to that one person…..that can mean a lot to someone who loves and trusts you, and/or someone who respects you.

The way men and women think is completely and totally different the faster everyone realizes that the faster we will all be a lot happier.  Now I know that there are a lot of comedy bits about the difference in the way that men and women think, and everyone laughs, but what makes them so funny is that they’re normally true.  Women need to realize that for the most part, men are straight forward and honest and need the same in return, I don’t know why women expect men to be able to read their minds, or have some huge underlying message, or objective….Women on the other hand, are almost never straight forward about things and they get their hopes up when statements are made with “IF” statements….now if women stopped for about two seconds and thought about the actual meaning of the word IF they would understand that it’s just that, if this happens then we could maybe do this…..but instead women think that plans have just been carved in stone and are really upset when they don’t happen, or when they realize that the man didn’t have the same understanding…

Why is it that a woman expects a man to know that when she says she doesn’t want him to come to her aid, she really means that she is desperate to see him…why not just admit that you want to see him and then everyone will be happy because everyone will know where everyone else stands, what is desired, and how to achieve happiness in the situation….instead women as a whole (not all women)  make it way more difficult then it ever needed to be, but stating what is only obvious to them, not to anyone else, and if you call them out on it, they look at you like you’re the enemy and that you should have understood the first time. 

I really don’t know why men put up with women.  I have my guesses at what a man would tell you as to why they do…Generally when I wonder about something that has to do with a man, I simply ask him…and generally speaking the answer is a lot more straight forward and simpler than I ever could have imagined. 

I do wonder why men and women operate so differently and sometimes on a completely different playing field…

The sweet hurt of jealousy

Irrationalities spring forth

Knowing logical thought is missing

Emotions can’t help but push forward

Emotional chaos runs rampid

Eventually Logic prevails

Feelings of guilt and shame arise

Get over it and move on

The thoughts scream in the back of your mind.

Trust each other.

Forgive irrational thoughts.

Love and Passion bring trust, forgiveness, and devotion.

Jealousy, not necessarily wrong,

A feeling of devotion instead of possession

Full circle to love and trust.